July 21, 2010
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High School Reconnections on Facebook
It seems I'm always either hearing about or reading about a reconnection made possible on Facebook. Usually someone is lauding the technology which makes it possible for people who have been physically removed from each other for decades to make a reconnection thought impossible without the internet, or more specifically the Facebook website.
This blog entry, one of thousands just like it, written for my WhenWordsCollide blog on www.xanga.com, is being posted to Facebook. I became a member of the Facebook website a couple of years ago, as I similarly did with MySpace when it was the popular internet social networking 'brand'. I use Facebook to post my blog entries, and really for nothing else. I rarely go to the Facebook site. I don't check my "wall". Heck, for the past year I haven't even been "active" on Xanga all that much, when it comes to visits and comments, preferring to post the sporadic entry when I feel I have something to say.
Since I've written so much on the internet during the past decade or so, sometimes I feel as if I've said all there is to say, anyway.
I seem to have already made what "reconnections" I am going to make from Facebook or any other internet social network. Most of those are of the "oh, what have you been doing for the past 20 or 30 years" variety, and then we never connect again. Some of the seeming reconnections have been made with old high school buddies who would sign on to the site, but really didn't use it except for the first week or so, and then faded away after a few "messages" or "wall postings". I reconnected with quite a few old high schoolers back in 2000-2001 on classmates.com. I guess that was the Facebook of the last decade. However, a lot of those people with whom I supposedly reconnected weren't really my friends in high school.
We attempted to create a "class reunion" for our 30th anniversary. This would have been in September 2001. Even though a certain tragedy trumped the plans that year, I remember writing on the class message boards that any reunion planned only on the Classmates site wouldn't necessarily involve a lot of the ex schoolmates who weren't using the internet. The next year, members of the Class of 71 were invited to the Class of 72 30th year reunion, and there were only three or four of us attending. I only knew a half dozen of the people at the reunion. It was quite a culture shock to my system. Reunions with a bunch or people one doesn't know or remember is like a party one stumbles upon to which he wasn't really invited.
The people about whom I read who are reconnecting with their high school and college chums are much younger than I. I graduated from high school in 1971. In less than three years, I will turn 60 years old. I'm part of an "older generation" but since I never married nor had children, I still "feel" pretty much as I always have, and if I don't look in the mirror, or think about health concerns (which for the most part, are all "fixed") then I think of myself as much younger, and of ex high school friends as they "were". Not how they are now.
Occasionally I make two internet searches. One of them is for Cathy Jean Davidson (which would be her maiden name if she married). Cathy was not a student at Rosemead High in Southern California. She is the girl with whom I fell in love in 1978, and about whom I wrote all the "Cathy Poems." I'd really like to reconnect with her. I often wonder if she kept the little volume of hand written poems I gave her when we last parted. There is another Kathy, from high school. Kathy Hinson, who did marry, and with whom I did reconnect for a while there back in the early 00s. I had an unrequited love for her during high school. However, when I think about how I behaved during our high school's 10th reunion in 1981, one of the low points of my life, when I got quite drunk (not an uncommon thing for me at the time) and possibly made a great fool of myself, I often wonder why anyone would have wanted to reconnect with me in the first place.)
The other internet search I make is for (Melvin) Chris McCauley, who was our class valedictorian, and sort of the "leader" of our "lunch gang" in high school. The last time I saw him was in about 72 or 73, at his apartment, when I was attending USC. Chris wasn't part of the group which went to USC, and he sort of fell off my radar. I've often wondered what ever happened to him. He must not use the internet. Searches for his name are fruitless.
Funny thing is, the people who I wanted to reconnect with don't (or didn't) use the internet.
I have reconnected with a few folks, but as I say, most of them were not really close friends from "back in the day." Some of them might even be reading this essay on Facebook right now. Occasionally, I'll see a "so and so likes this" or a message from an old high school friend appear in my email.
In the future, when the internet is supplanted by virtual reality, or some other such technology, reconnecting with the people who were once important in one's life will be a normal occurance. People who are now in their late teens and 20s, in high school and college, have never known a time without the internet. For them, the concept of "reconnection' will be moot. They are forever connected, through their smart phones. I'm sure a "friend list" means a quite different thing to someone who is young compared to an old fogey like me. (who still has my physical "address book" from the 70s) I'm "befriended" by people all the time on Xanga, YouTube, and Facebook. I rarely think of these connections as friendships.
Since the power supply blew on my home computer last week, and since I have other finances to think about before replacing it, I haven't had internet access at home for a while. This morning, as I came to work prepared to write this essay and post it, I got an email from a classmates.com friend informing me that an old high school buddy of mine, Steve Buck, had passed away. As I say, for the most part, I still think of old high school friends as I last saw them either in their teens or 20s. I saw "Buck" for the last time in 1999 at the RHS 50th anniversary, and we spent most of the day reliving our memories. We swore to keep in touch, but we never did. And Buck didn't use the internet like I do. In fact , I've always used my real name on the internet specifically so someone who was looking for me would find me.
I often write about death. I lost my parents at age 21, and I've lost three best friends over the years. Buck hasn't been a friend for decades, but hearing about his passing leaves a large hole in my heart. Perhaps I wish he'd had a Facebook page, if only for a few months, so we could have "reconnected" again.
Life goes on until it stops. Then the regrets and the reminiscences occur for those who are still around. I don't know if I am fated to reconnect with Chris, or with Cathy Jean. Or with anyone else. Since I'm far less of an internet presence than I was just five years ago, I will probably be reconnecting with old "Xanga friends" on some internet platform a few years from now. Internet "friends" I never really "knew" in "real life."
Next time I hear about someone reconnecting with an old high school friend on the internet, I'll think about Buck, and about how we possibly could have reconnected, even without the internet. We both lived in Southern California, and both exchanged telephone numbers. But we never did get in touch. We strayed apart after high school, and we both led separate lives, cultivating our own groups of friends, and our own interests. Perhaps we didn't really have anything in common after all, except for that one reconnection in 1999, and the sharing of old memories. I tried to "find" Buck a few months ago. A google search was unresponsive. As I just mentioned, I received an email just this morning telling of his passing.
If anyone is looking for me, I hope they find me before it's too late, and if they don't, at least a lot of my words and thoughts exist on my Xanga blog and on www.allthingsmike.com. At least for the time being.
Posted: July 19, 2010 7:12 AM
Comments (196)
A great, nostalgic post. Facebook is a tool, in my eyes. Rediscovering, severing, creating new connections.
You're right.
Life goes on...until it stops.
I spent very little time on fb mostly just to read my friends stuff that they post. i deleted about 150 people from work a few days ago. fb is a scam. it markets to reconnect people with friends but it really just a good advertising tool.
My 30th reunion is this year,I went to all of them but the 5th ,that was too soon,all the nasty people had not had time to mellow then yet.
:wave: I wondered why I hadn't seen a post from you for awhile. Thanks for including that information.
I still have connections with those with whom I became friends during or after H.S. and in college. I think it's amazing that we have remained connected after all these years, and e-mail technology has enabled that. However, hardly any of my long time friends make use of IM's or social sites such as Facebook, etc. I have made new friends in past several years due to my involvement with Southwest Celtic Music Association and performers of the music. I can connect with many of them on Facebook. Also, several members of my church have joined. I'm still hanging in with Xanga although almost all of my subs no longer post. Most only use FB, although a few such as yourself are making use of both at times. The number of readers/commentors on Xanga now ranges from 4-6 at best. I don't post often now (maybe twice a week or only once). I may decide to post less because I think maybe I need to make better use of my time, all things considered. I think I've found something else I need to focus on, though I may share about it on occasion.
You have written many thoughtful essays here, and this certainly is one of them. Thank you for sharing.
Comments here re: FB: Yes, FB is an advertising tool, and it's free. I see many organizations and busnesses taking advantage of it, including Southwest Celtic Music Assoc., North TX Irish Festival and our new project, Cowtown Celtic Festival. I don't see that as bad, but I'm biased since I'm a part of those entities. Performers are using FB to publicize themselves, too.
~~Blessings 'n Cheers :goodjob:
Technology like Internet has something intimidating for people for which it look complicated even my mom still has a hard time of using a computer she just doesn't see the how to of it. I once had a discussion about it with a friend saying that technology just isn't for everyone because of how hard it is to control it like the VCR, And all the option on a HD television today I mean really even I have troubles with that. Its crazy but your post about reconnection says it all, Most of my old buddy's are not on the web somehow I'm relieved by it but thats me.
hi Mike! its always so nice to read a post of yours, it gives so much food for thought, and feeling! Thank you.
and am able to stay in touch with family members on the other side of the world.
I love how refreshing your point of view is, for I see and think of high school friends & reunions a little differently. ..more like: "how can all these people stay together and connected through all the years??"..i guess my experience has lead me to feel that way. I've always moved around from the Southern Hemisphere to the North and back a few times. To me this just meant new neighborhoods, new homes, new friends, and new schools; so I feel like I have many friends all over the world but not many close friends, friends of years. And the ones i do consider close friends are hardly ever, or never, on the internet. I have connected with a couple of high school friends online, on facebook...but this doesnt mean we actually keep in touch; i see it more as 'knowing how the other is doing' type of connection. What i do like about these social networks is how opened the world has become culturally speaking. I've "met" new friends in countries I never thought I would get any in on
Its so interesting how obvious the ideas of 'friends' and 'friendships' have changed thanks to technology. They were definitely more personal pre-inet, we could reach over and hug our friends when they needed a hug, or smack'em upside the head when they needed a reality check lol.. But times have changed and with that the world and how we see experience friendship. I believe there are very important reasons why you only connected with your friend Steve Buck as much, or as little, as you did. He still made an impression in your life, and I'm sure so did you. I am very sorry my friend, I wish for you comfort and peace. Pls know that your friend Steve is Joyful now, and at Peace.. and he knows how you're feeling.
I have been writing in xanga -on and off- since 2003 or 4, and I've read your posts thru the yrs, and we've exchanged comments, suggestions, advice, and emotions, like a friendship. So even though its been online I still consider you a friend, even if it isnt a friendship the ol'fashion way. :wave:
...and wouldnt it be great, and funny! to reconnect with an old xanga friend years from now?
Hugs, Love & Light
I have so little in common with the folks I went to school with, it's hardly worth the trouble, but the people that I was in the Family with, well, I have deeper connections with some of them.
:wave: Thanks for the visit and comments, Michael. I appreciate it.
I understand not wanting to spend time posting on Xanga since you have opportunity for a lot of socializing around the pool. I probably should take more advantage of the apartment pool. You are right, I don't really have much time for blogging. As I previously noted, it's probably going to be less.
~~Blessings 'n Cheers :goodjob:
Dear Michael,
I'm so sorry to hear of your friends passing. One of my posts called Jeremy on my TheInspiredLife blog was about my (male) best friend in high school. I found out this year that he and I live in the same small city. I sent him a message through a friend of mines MySpace, but never got a response. I thought about finding him, but I think things have changed so much in the last 16-17 years, that it would be weird and not the same. I think I would prefer to remember him in a rose colored light. Besides, I've changed.
My husbands best friend died a few months ago. It upset him...but changed my life. I realized that our time here on Earth is limited and I can choose how I want to spend it. He hadn't talked to him in a few years, and the funeral wasn't about the deceased, but rather what the family perfered to have him remembered by. I felt that the funeral was a sham and remembered why I don't go to them anymore. I think if anything happened to you, your true essence would be captured forever in your work on your blogs. Anyway, that is how we would remember you.
Ann
it is fun to connect with old friends
I rarely use FB as it is, I have not really connected with people I went to school with on FB.
I, too have searched for lost loves, classmates, old friends, lost relatives, and army buddies. I don't have much luck. Seems I've turned up more mutual friends than the friends I'm searching for. Many have contacted me to tell me that he/she knew Jimmy or Hazel. LOL. I've also turned up distant relatives I never knew.
Fascinating, though, and lots of fun.
My college class was that of 1957 , so as you might expect, There are not too many of us still looking for each other - or for that matter remembering what we were looking for. Surprisingly enough I have actually stumbled across a couple of Fraternity brothers via facebook.
BTW, thanks for the good thoughts
Hi Mike, I am not such a big Facebook fan, but it also helped me to connect with old friends but none that really turned into a new relationship. We make friends chat a bit and then it is back to normal and those friend just disappear into the void again.
@hesacontradiction - @wiccanadri - Dear Ann and Adri, Thank you for offering your condolences. Even though I haven't seen "Buck" for over a decade, we were quite inseparable in high school and in college, even though we attended college on different campuses. His mother sort of acted as a surrogate mother for me while mine was in the nursing home after her bilateral stroke and when she died.
@tychecat - Dear Dick, An old workmate, who retired years ago, kept in touch with a select group of her high school graduating class well into her mid 70s (and without the internet), and our CEO was attending reunions of his WWII unit till the early 00s up until everyone except four or five of them died. (also without the internet).
@dsullivan - Dear Sully, I always find it interesting that I get dozens of "suggested friend requests" from a gal who attended the same high school as I, but was not really in my group of friends. Seems everybody with whom she reconnects, she sends a suggested friend request to everybody else on her FB friends list, whether we knew them or not!
Dear Mike,
I have reconnected with a lot of my high school friends on FB, but I went to a small Catholic school, so finding 15 is like finding a third of the class. But, I moved out of state 8 years after graduating, so I can't be a part of the regular get-togethers, so I feel out of the loop, so to speak. Funny part is, I haven't reconnected with a single person from college. I don't really like FB, it's like sitting in a fishbowl, or maybe I'm just a private-type person.
Glad to see you post! Was wondering how you were. Monica
I've not really made the effort to look up too many people from my high school days, mainly because with most, I didn't have that much in common at the time. It was very interesting reading all you've had to say on reconnections using Facebook. I have to admit I do spend a fair bit of time in Facebook, but it's mostly to keep up with people on the homefront. Funnily enough around two months ago I went for an audition (for a TV commercial) and noticed a woman walk in I just knew I'd seen before! I knew straight away she was from my high school days. When I got the opportunity, I asked her if she'd gone to my high school (named the school) and she said yes! We chatted about our experiences there and teachers. I asked her if she'd kept up with any of her classmates and she said she had. I had recalled at school she, like me was into art. She is an artist now, and also studies acting. It is interesting finding out how former school mates lives had turned out, even though we might not keep in regular contact after the initial reconnection!
I never really like reunions because I used to be geeky with glasses and have this John Lennon mushroom hairstyle, and people ignored me.
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