June 16, 2010
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A Leg To Stand On: Final Chapter
This is the last chapter in the "A Leg To Stand On" series of entries begun in July 2008.
What's your handicap?
It's been over a year now since I've had my hip revision operation to repair the broken 16 year old hip replacement in my left hip. When I was first diagnosed with the fact I'd need another operation, I had to use crutches for half a year to keep weight off the broken prosthesis. After the operation, I had to use a walker for about four months while my bones knitted together with the new prosthesis. After I completely healed, I became "able bodied", and am now not even in pain. My "power walks" around our mobile home park are now legendary, and the denizens of the park are amazed that I not only pass the "joggers" but I never seem to slow down. I don't think of this as any great accomplishment. For a while there, I couldn't walk without help from crutches or a walker. I thank my lucky stars I'm "able bodied" at this point in time. I was handicapped and now I'm free.
And this got me to thinking about other disabled people who aren't so lucky.
The word handicap began as a game played in the 1600s (called "hand in cap"). The term was later popularized in gaming, specifically in horse racing and in golf, and means giving the competitor more weight or the number of strokes a golf player could subtract from their score. The term had a more positive use than when used to describe someone who is disabled. I would like to point out that I always use it to describe the "enabling device" which a disabled person might use in order to become more able bodied. Thus, when I was on crutches, it was the crutches which were my 'handicap'. They weren't used BECAUSE of my disability. They were used to ENABLE me to become more able bodied.
When an able bodied person encounters a person who uses a wheelchair, think of the wheelchair as the enabling device, which helps this person to get around in normal society. Without the wheelchair, the person would be disabled. They have some kind of condition which prevents them from walking upright. It could be a nervous condition, or a lack of muscle power, or a result of a paralysis. By using the enabling device, they can be more "able bodied" than without it. They are handicapped, but they are not defined by their disability. They are able to use what means are available to be more like everyone else. To them, the wheelchair is not a restriction, but a wonder. Able bodied people should always be aware of the disabled around them, and to give them a wider berth. Always acknowledge a person with a walker, a pair of crutches, or a wheelchair. Get out of their way. Be nice to them, but don't be patronizing of them. They can get around pretty well. I could swing my body around pretty good on those crutches, and I didn't expect any "special treatment" from anyone. In fact, I was always delighted when people noticed how good I got around.
Don't ever steal a parking place from the disabled. I had one of those blue placards hanging from my rear view mirror on more than one occasion, and it would have really peeved me if I would have seen a car owned by an able bodied person parked where it shouldn't be parked. Now that I'm able bodied, I love to be able to walk, so walking across a parking lot doesn't bother me. When I was on crutches, I liked the fact I could park closer to the store or business. In fact, I didn't use a blue placard this last time I was on crutches, cause I felt I moved around quite well with them, and gave up my own "handicapped' space to those who might be more deserving.
When one is first diagnosed with any kind of disability, either mental or physical, one goes through a series of feelings much like the stages of grief. In time, one learns how to cope with, and in a lot of cases, to overcome the disability. In rare instances, the disability can be cured, as was mine, and it will disappear. (hopefully. Mine came back. I had a hip replacement which broke!) What never disappears is the sense that humans can overcome quite a lot in their lives, and also the sense that some able bodied people who never have been disabled in any way just can't seem to understand what it must be like to have to use a wheelchair, or other enabling device in order to get around, and these people can sometimes be ignorant, in some cases downright mean.
It's been a year since I had to hobble about on crutches, and they are still prominently displayed in my living room, as a reminder that I had to grab ahold of them in order to get from one room to the other not too long ago. I have a long memory anyway, and I never want to forget that for some time in my life I was not as able bodied as I am now.
To those of you who are overcoming a disability of any kind, or who live with a disability which cannot yet be overcome, my hat's off to you, and I will always be perhaps a bit kinder to you and a bit more observant of you when I encounter you, simply because I've been there. Just as I am more observant of motorcycle riders on the road becuase I used to ride. Society is making great strides in adapting the world of the able bodied to accommodate the disabled people. We're not there yet. The strides are still baby steps in some instances.
A lot of people have some kind of disability, and these people all have to use their "handicap" in order to operate completely in society. For some, it's a pair of glasses, or a hearing aid. For some, it's an electric wheelchair. Jack, the CEO of our company, and my mentor in my current career, just got his "handicap van" into which he can back his wheelchair. He still can't drive, and the stroke probably has stopped him from ever driving again. He does have a full time nurse who drives him, and by utilizing the wheelchair and the van, he can get around town almost as well as he used to.
Disabilities can happen to anyone. Accidents happen. Mistakes are made. People age, and bones get brittle. So if you're currently able bodied, it might only be temporary. As with all of life, live for this moment, and be happy that you are able bodied. If you are not able bodied, live for this moment as well, and be satisfied that you are more able bodied than you could possibly be. I thank God and my lucky stars for the fact that I've been "able" to overcome my disability, with a good doctor and exercise, and I also know that this current state of able bodiness could end at any time, cause life is fickle, and our good fortunes are not written in stone.
For this moment, I'll be thankful. One year after my operation, I feel incredibly good.
Comments (238)
Wow Mike~ this really hit home. I have seasons~ where I cannot walk~ when I come out of remission. MM had always encouraged me to use a wheel chair during these times. I refused~ feeling if I ever sat down~ I might not ever get back up again. I'm as stubborn as an old donkey~
Eventually I gave in on one occassion, when I really wanted to attend a local craft fair. My eyes were opened to a whole different world. I have never felt so invisible in my life. I am one to make eye contact~ smile~ interact with folks. But no one would so much as look at me, while I was sitting in that chair~ it's like I didn't even exist. We left the craft fair early~ it was too much to bear.
I now purpose to connect with folks~ who otherwise might be overlooked.
Excellent post Mike!
Hi Mike, I've learned a good deal about being handicapped in the past few years and want to second your comments about handicapped parking spaces. My wife is w/chair bound, and has been for several years. My knees are now about gone - I can walk maybe 100 yards at a time, either with a cane or leaning on her w/chair. Yesterday I went to an orthopedic surgeon about knee replacements, but as sole caregiver for my wife, I'm in sort of a bind - maybe we can work something out - he says with replacements I'd be about where I am now after about three weeks, and become more and more mobile as time goes on. It will be several months before I can make a decision- meanwhile I'm getting cortazone shots - which seem to do some good. A couple of years ago I managed a mile a day walk every morning - I'd sure like to get back to that.
A wonderfully positive post, Mike, and a good reminder that 'handicapped' people are really just like the rest of us. It's that positive attitude that has brought you through times of pain and times of stress to where you are now!
:wave: Kudos to you for writing this and explaining "handicapped". That was a very welcome addition to an already fine post. Thank you for enumerating the ways to interface properly with those who need a device to enable them to function. It's true, disability can happen to any of us at any age, so it behooves us to act empathically when we encounter others who are disabled.
I hadn't considered my glasses as my "handicap" or that my less than perfect eye-sight is a kind of disability. I'm just "visually challenged".
~~Blessings 'n Cheers :goodjob:
This is a really good article. You should submit a version of it to your local paper. I think the viewpoint is both true and refreshingly different/new for some people that it's worthy of publication. I'm not so sure of your use of the word "deserving" in the following sentence: "In fact, I didn't use a blue placard this last time I was on crutches, cause I felt I moved around quite well with them, and gave up my own "handicapped' space to those who might be more deserving." I certainly appreciate the sentiment and the fact that you were mindful of those in more need, but would it be appropriate to use "needy" here instead of "deserving"? Do we give rights to people who need them because they deserve them? I'm not sure how I feel about it or if I disagree, but it sits funny with me right now. Your opinion on this, having much more experience than I do, would be appreciated
@BoureeMusique - Funny Emily, I pondered over which word to use in that exact sentence.
You're very careful with your language, so this does not surprise me
. Forgive my niggling (if you consider it such): I now get paid to pay attention to word choice. My dream come true! ... To get completely off topic, it is now time to envision and realize new dreams for myself and for the world 
About a year ago I got my first mobility scooter, sometimes I still think of it as a pain for my husband to load and unload it...but he says he doesn't mind. I still don't run around on the scooter to go to a 7-11 store or some other "get-it-and-git" errand but after I once got accustomed to the idea a whole world opened up to me. Hubby and I love to go to a park for a "tamale breakfast" then watch the birds wake up. I can do that again, or the kite flies he likes to attend, or a bike trail he would like to explore. Even my puppy has benefited because he loves to get out and he rides in my basket. I at first dreaded anyone seeing me on one thinking that I used one just for sympathy and attention, instead I found they were glad to see me again. Because of my strokes and heart attacks I was afraid I was going to die, then I hoped to get better, as things didn't get better my husband was kind enough to tell me "honey, this may be as good as it gets". Then I learned, as you have, to use my "disabilities" to encourage other people who are in similar situations. I almost feel it has had an important purpose in my life because it is easier for someone with the same type problems to relate to me, often over a counselor, because I have been there and done that. I have done a lot of "work" in Cardiac Care Units in hospitals showing them that by-pass is not a death sentence; I can relate to people that feel they are in a hopeless situation with their emotional problems, I'm not crazy although sometimes I act that way. Now I am researching ways to get my little rat terrier the title of Service Dog...there is a new philosophy that says children feel a lot less intimidated by reading aloud to a dog instead of a person and often soon reach a grade level above what they were reading. This is something I can do...things that you can do gives you a feeling of purpose. Life has a purpose for all of us, I indeed think you have found one in your writing....Thank you for opening eyes to this type of treatment and acceptance and promise to people that are "handicapped".
~ mommachatter
I agree w/BoureeMusique. I think this is a good one to be submitted to a local paper or a magazine.
~~Blessings 'n cheers
What a wonderful post!!
I'm delighted to read your health update; you are to be commended for your hard work and determination in regaining your strength and mobility.
I too, get exasperated when I see a perfectly able and healthy individual park in a handicapped area, putting a ill gotten handicap tag on the mirror and bound into a store or restaurant.(We have actually seen,and reported, some people steal these tags out of cars) We have a wheelchair lift van as my husband is a seriously ill amputee in a wheelchair and I have severe osteoporosis, trying to recover from a recent stroke relying on a rollator to walk(hobble). We have to park on the opposite end of a parking lot as all the spaces close to the establishment are filled, yet I've never seen any handicapped person on the inside.
This post should be printed in every syndicated newspaper across America. It's time some of these idiots realize that ignorance
is not a legitimate handicap meriting special treatment.
Congratulations on your liberation. We're all extremely proud of you. God bless you, Mike.
Will count my blessings!
I'm very glad that you are feeling better. I think not being able to do something for awhile really makes you thankful when you are able to do it again. You realize how good you have it and kind of get to see a situation through a new set of eyes!
I didn't know the origin of the word handicap. Thanks.
And I guess it is a good reminder to look at the crutches.
i should be more thankful of what i have, and the things i'm able to do...
When I was in school to be a massage therapist, I had this lovely elderly woman who had both knees replaced, and she was just as chipper and energetic as a 16 year old. She was running and exercising like there was no tomorrow, maybe to remind herself of what she could lose, had lost, or could have lost.
But to me, I wanted to tell her not to run with those things cause heat up your joint capsules and wear down the prosthesis...but in the end I just didn't have the heart...nor did my teacher... She was just so damn upbeat!
Great post.
you have done so well and already a year? wow that went fast for me anyway
I'm glad it all worked out so that you can keep right on dancing! Cuz that might be all there is, and if that's all there is my friend (oops, sorry, kind of got on a roll there....) :fun:
I am going to retain my able bodied status for as long as possible. And I really need to do better, I tend to overuse my brain and neglect proper exertion of other muscles... :nono:
thanks for the reminder! :sunny:
and yes, needing glasses to read, DOES feel like a major handicap to me
I'm always having to look for them, and sometimes it's especially frustrating when I have a piece of mail I need to read immediately. Like the envelope says IRS or "check enclosed" or something like that! You'd think it would be easier since I have about 10 pairs but it isn't! Which brings me to that other MEGA disability, ADD! :spinning: I hate that fucking ADD!
wow. thats incredible. i'm so glad you're not in pain anymore
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