June 18, 2013

• Remembering Xanga: Part 8: What is Xanga About?

  Apologies for not returning comments lately, esp. after the groundswell of support shown for Part 6 (In Which I thank my readers) and yesterday's post acknowledging the countless Xangans who won't be able to pay for Xanga 2.0 and who really form the spine of the "community" everyone is writing about on Top Blogs these days. Both my work and home computers have problems right now, and I'm back up to 11 and 12 hour workdays, so time is at a premium too. I do love getting the comments, recommendations, etc, and hope to make some time soon to personally visit you.

  In the meantime, I want to repost something from last year. This is the entry that caused someone calling themselves BigBangTheory to deride my blogging "style" accusing me of "telling people how to blog." Still leaves a bad taste in my mouth when I think of it. But hopefully that Xangan is gone from Xanga. The Xangan whose life I distill in this post, using her own words, is gone too, physically. She died shortly before I created this post. MFN/ppf 6/18/13 7:15am pdt.

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  Xanga is about us. Ultimately. Xanga is our legacy if we wish it to be. Xanga becomes us. Our thoughts. Our deeds. Our hopes. Our stories. Our quarrels. Our fears. And our joy when we overcome them. Xanga is our friends and sometimes our frenemies. Xanga is our family. Our progeny. Our pets. Our lowest points and our highest. Xanga is our life. Our sense of humor. Our trials, tribulations, friendship, foibles, and faith.

  Xanga is a "place" for most of us. Sometimes we feel at home and we return fondly. Sometimes we feel safe, or empowered, or nurtured. Sometimes we turn away. Sometimes we don't understand something and we stay away for a while. A lot of us are "lifetime members". A great many of us were "around" when Xanga was "THE" website that came to mind when social networking and blogging were mentioned. For some of us, the "internet" and "Xanga" are synonyms. For some, Xanga is a joke and a hasbeen. There are a lot of blogs nobody knows about however. And sometimes those blogs are the "real" backbone of "the blogging community." Xanga is you. Xanga is me.

  Xanga is Stacey Knapp.

  

  Name: Stacey Knapp 
  Location: Palm Beach, Florida, United States
  Birthday: 11/9/1974
  Gender: Female
  Member Since: 3/16/2001
  True/Lifetime

  Friday, 16 March 2001 Stacey Starts a Xanga Blog.  Sigh, I guess this is as good a time as any to begin a new weblog. Today at my job of six and a half years, my boss brought me outside and told me that Wednesday will be my last day.

  Saturday, 17 March 2001 Stacey Wins the Lottery. Thank God. I sat home all day (this Dreary Saturday) watching movies.... and at 8:00, I turned on the lottery drawing.... I WON!! $259!

  Monday, 28 May 2001 Stacey Gets a Job. So, since May 3rd, I've been working in medical records for a home health care agency. I LOVE the people I am working with...the "perks" that the job offers. Air Conditioning, when you have asthma as bad as I do, you dread the extreme seasons. All the over time I want, (not forced) at time and a half! Days off!...Parties, birthday and baby shower for co-workers. THANK YOU CARDS! I got a card thanking me for my efforless energy!
  Wow, that knocked my socks off!

  Saturday, 15 September 2001 Stacey Gets Philosophical After 9/11. It is so true that we as americans have lost our sense of community. With the internet, we now have a global community, and may be closer to someone living on the other side of the world then we are to someone living on the other side of the street.

  Wednesday, 30 January 2002  Stacey Blogs About her Health Problems. At 6:00 am Tuesday, I decided I needed to go to the hospital. I went to the ER, and they immediately gave me an IV, and then a breathing treatment.

  Sunday, 12 May 2002 Stacey and Her Friends Hang Out. I had a lot of fun yesterday. I took Kristin, (My best friend in the world) Nelson, Jill, and Elizabeth on a tour of Monmouth County.

  Saturday, 22 June 2002 Stacey's Father Retires on His Birthday! Last night my father retired after 38 years with the same company. Today is his 60th Birthday. Happy B-day dad.

  Saturday, 14 September 2002 Stacey Discusses Her Asthma and Surmises She'll Never Bear Children.  I have VERY bad asthma, I've had it since I was 18 months old, and I've been in the hospital 5 times in the past 10 years, (3 of those in intensive care) because of my asthma. If I were to get pregnant, some of the medications I take have warnings about taking them because they can cause all kinds of problems in unborn children.

  Thursday, 05 December 2002 The Computer Eats Stacey's Blog. Damn! I just wrote anice long blog, and it's gone. Did the computer eat it or Xanga? Damn!

  Monday, 24 March 2003 Stacey Blogs About Her Weight. Alright, folks. Confession time here. Not really a confession, just a fact. I've been blogging for two years and there is something most of you don't know about me. I'm a fat girl.Not, "ooh, I need to lose 10 lbs." fat. I'm fat, fat.

  Saturday, 13 September 2003  The Guys in Stacey's Life. So, on the Sam front. I heard the phone ringing, and I picked it up...I saw who was calling and I started shaking. I hit ignore and threw the phone back into my purse. I Gave Sam more than he'll ever know, I gave him my heart, and my soul. And he calls me out of the blue like that?...For Months, I prayed hoped, wished, that he would call me, But to call like that? No way. I mean, now I've been with Fred since July 7th, and even in the beginning I hoped Sam would Call. Fred may be far from perfect, but at least he's there. I see him 2-3 times a week, and we talk on the phone every day.

  Tuesday, 07 October 2003 Stacey and Fred. 3 months ago today, I met Freddie in the flesh. Our relationship is definitely a study in contrasts. It is awesome (I think) how we started off on shaky ground, and it has grown into something solid and real. I really love this man.

  Saturday, 04 September 2004  Stacey Expresses Her Faith. You may have noticed a change in me.  I haven't touched a drop of alcohol in 11 months and 1 week, I don't spend my time idly anymore.  I spend a lot of time in Church and fellowshipping with the Saints.  Publick ministry is a high priority. I know the end is near, and someone cared enough to share with me what I am about to share with you.  I care because I have the Lord Jesus Christ living inside me.

  Saturday, 18 June 2005 Stacey gets married.

  

  Sunday, 21 August 2005 Stacey shares photos After the Wedding. On the 4 train after our wedding on our way back to the Ferry Terminal.  My Parents FIRST TIME on the subway.

  

  Wednesday, 28 September 2005 Stacey's 2nd Born Again birthday. Happy Birthday to ME! 2 years ago today I was saved.  Born Again.

  Saturday, 17 September 2005  A Quiet Evening at Home. Dinner is done.. I didn't burn it so that was a blessing. Fred is laying on the floor reading and giving me sweet compliments. How'd I land him? 

  Thursday, 15 September 2005 Stacey Deals With an Antagonistic Blogger. Mona, If you are so seemingly upset by what I have to say, if you are so against what I believe you don't have to visit my blog.

  Friday, 07 October 2005 Stacey Might be Pregnant! Fred was just in the bathroom checking my pregnancy test. Results in about 2 minutes

  Saturday, 08 October 2005 False alarm. Psalm 127:3 Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. Thank you Lord for your will.  No baby

  Monday, 17 October 2005 Stacey Posts Photos of Her Parents. Mommy Me and Daddy.. All the wonderful photos from my wedding day and there is not a one of me and Daddy. He was the one behind the camera in the majority of them.

  

  Saturday, 25 March 2006 A Coworker Passes Away. I had a coworker die last week, 36 years old 3 kids, she was the "picture of health" dropped dead of a massive heart attack. You never know when your time is up.

  Sunday, 09 April 2006 Photo Challenge From @Ladyblue1 This weeks photo challenge is hosted by @ladyblue1. Her subject is Candid Camera. Definition: 1.Free from prejudice; impartial.  2.Characterized by openness and sincerity of expression; unreservedly straightforward.

  

  Saturday, 17 June 2006  SOLDIER IN THE LORD'S ARMY Last night we went to Times Square.  We had 300 Da Vinci code tracts to hand out outside a theater on 42nd Street.  After we went into the train station and handed out about 300 more tracts, and 20 CD Tracts. Fred is starting a job on Monday, Wednesday was our one year wedding anniversary. 

  Sunday, 18 June 2006  Today is My Parents 40th Wedding Anniversary!  It is also my Dad's 38th Fathers day!  Two of my older sisters are flying to FL to visit, one day I'll make it.  I miss my Mommy and Daddy

  Monday, 31 July 2006 Stacey's Announcement. Fred said to me the other day, "Tests have been done, and studies have shown that if a woman cries throughout her pregnancy, the baby will come out naked." P.S. We're pregnant.

  Tuesday, 15 August 2006 Stacey's Pregnant. As of right now, I am seven weeks pregnant.  So said the ultrasound on Thursday.  But based on my last cycle, I am further along.  Which is why I have to go to a Radiologist today to have another ultrasound done to determine dates.  I also have a pulmonologist appointment.  Pray for us.

  Monday, 21 August 2006  Stacey's Miscarriage. We've begun to lose the Baby.  However, I have complete peace about it.  the LORD knows best.

  Wednesday, 01 November 2006 Christianity and Accountibility. I find it scary when a Christian gets, "caught" that he always blames the Devil.  Never willing to take responsibility for his own actions.  It is much easier to say, "See how the Devil works?"  Isn't that what Eve did? 
  Don't you think it truly grieves the LORD when we not only "do what we get caught doing" but then we lie about it?...It makes us hypocrites.  It is a whole lot easier to blame the devil, but be a man!  Admit it.
  Just something that has been on my mind as of late.

  Friday, 15 December 2006  Stacey's Sinus Thing. JOY,  So I've found out why for the past month I have not been able to beat this sinus thing, why I can barely swallow or talk. I have (shudder) polyps in my sinuses and nose.  Doc doesn't know what causes them says usually recurring infections.  SO I've been on a stereroid since Wednesday, and I already feel a ton better

  Thursday, 01 March 2007  Stacey Gets Anxious. I am having such severe anxiety right now...I have this tightness in my chest, and throat.  My surgery is scheduled for April 25th, and someone at church last night said, "Oh, that kind of surgery could kill  you"  That isn't what is even causing my anxiety that is just the topper.  Worst case scenario, death.... To be with Jesus is far better.

  Friday, 27 April 2007 NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH I had my surgery on Wednesday. I have not sneezed yet since my surgery I am afraid to sneeze.

  Monday, 17 September 2007 Stacey Answers a Featured Question. How do You Define Yourself? How does your opinion compare to what others think of you? I am a Christian.  (literally Christ One)  I follow Christ and his word.  I tell others about him, and his saving grace. I know people think I'm odd, diferent, but the bible says Jesus' disciples counted themselves worthy to suffer shame for his name.  He died on a cross for me, and for all.  I know he is worthy of being served, even if people think I'm a fool. I'm a fool for Jesus.  Who's fool are you?

  Friday, 11 January 2008  SHORT TIMER 3 weeks left at my job of nearly 7 years.
  Bittersweet. I'm excited about the move TO GEORGIA!

  Thursday, 07 February 2008 Stacey Moves to Georgia. Home They say home is where you hang your hat.  My one hat is packed and the movers have it so home is in a storage place in Stamford CT? They also say, "Home is where your Heart is"  Well, my heart is beating in my chest right here in Albany, GA.

  Sunday, 11 May 2008  A Very Happy Mothers Day We had a child go home to be with the LORD in August 2006, well, we found out yesterday that we are expecting again.

  Wednesday, 04 June 2008 Recap: Georgia to Maine and a Trip Back Home ◦Thursday May 15th: Go day.  Ready to hit the road.  I thought we'd leave by 10AM at the latest, we left after 2. ◦Pregnancy = many potty stops along the way.◦Made it to our Destination in Maine after midnight. Went to bed immediately slept until 4:30 PM on Friday May 23 ◦Went to Denny's (I think)

  Saturday, 14 June 2008 Woo-Hoo Today is Our 3 Year Wedding Anniversary. The turns we're taken, the things we've been through. I've been having some discomfort in my belly since this evening.  I don't know what is 'normal' since I didn't carry the last baby this far before the LORD took it home.

  

  Sunday, 29 June 2008 Stacey's Morning Sickness. I threw up during Sunday School. I threw up during Morning Preaching. We went to lunch Came home, took a nap.  Threw up after nap.

  Monday, 07 July 2008 Five Years Ago
  Five years ago today I met my husband.
  What a whirlwind it has been.
  We've had our share of ups
  and more than our share of downs.
  We have a child in heaven.
  And one on the way.
  We go to the Dr tomorrow for our first "official" ultrasound.
  I love you baby.

  Sunday, 14 September 2008 My Husband Is a very intelligent, God Fearing Man, but sometimes he is a little boy trapped in an adult's body.  I do not mean this disrespectfully. We have a plethora (okay maybe not a plethora - 7) of stuffed Elmos. (yes the furry red monster from Sesame Street) Fred you see, likes to wrestle with them...WELL, HIS DAUGHTER (See, she's already in trouble so she's HIS) - is mimicking that feeling.  I told him it felt like he was inside me wrestling with the Elmos.

  Thursday, 18 September 2008 Fred Got a New Laptop Yesterday.  This is the innagural shot with the new webcam. Fred just said I look like I'm 6'8". For the record... I am 4'11" he is 5'9"  He is sitting, I am not.

  Thursday, 18 September 2008 Pregnancy Questions.
  •Why do my feet look like large baked potatoes?  I'm drinking a generous amount of water but I am SO swollen. My sneakers even hurt.
  •Is it normal (this is a weird one) that the skin on my lower abdomen feels "thicker" and almost "rubbery"?
  •Why am I hormonal and weepy again?  I thought I was done with that.
  •Will I ever be comfortable at night again?

  Wednesday, 01 October 2008  Prayer Request. My Mom and Dad are still in NJ (They moved to FL 3 years ago, and are up there for a visit) I got a phone call tonight on the way to Church.  My Dad is in the hospital he had a stroke Friday, a "deep brain bleed" they called it.  They waited until he could speak to call me. He told me. They say he is really doing much better.

  Monday, 20 October 2008 Stacey Blogs About Depression. 
  i've never been clinically diagnosed
  i know i suffer
  i have had "black hole" days where i don't get out of bed
  i have had days where I don't eat
  i am scared 
  i am 7 months pregnant, and I am going through it
  i don't want my daughter to have to suffer
  i don't know if it is hereditary
  i don't want to talk to anyone
  (yet I'm blogging about it)
  i have all the lights off
  i have a bad headache
  i cry too much
  i am a Christian.  i am supposed to have joy
  but saying a Christian shouldn't be depressed, is like saying a Christian shouldn't have cancer.
  it happens.
  please pray for us

  Monday, 01 December 2008 Stacey In Hiding. I'm still technically "hiding" but I have 35 days left until my due date, and since I don't know where my journal is, I need to document here.....

  Thursday, 04 December 2008 Stacey Shows Off Her Baby Bump. I'm 35 weeks 3 days pregnant and have not posted a single "belly" photo.  I gained 90 lbs after my miscarriage in 2006, (which I was planning on losing before I got pregnant but didn't happen) I've only gained 11lbs this pregnancy, but look much bigger...

  

  Saturday, 03 January 2009 Stacey's Expecting in Four Days.
  ◦Today I was super "crampy" feeling
  ◦My back started to ache like you wouldn't believe while I was standing at the sink doing dishes
  ◦Lydia has been moving like crazy
  ◦I was CONVINCED I was going to go to the hospital.
  ◦I put my bag and pillows in the car when we went out at 6:30 this evening
  ◦Nada.
  ◦I got sick after we came home.  
  ◦I brought my pillows and meds in
  ◦Left the bag in the car.
  ◦4 days until my due date.

  Wednesday, 07 January 2009 Regardless of What My Ticker Says Lydia is Not Here Yet. I was having contractions every 5 minutes for about an hour yesterday, and then they just stopped.  Like they forgot there's a baby in there. I'm so anxious to hold her. And as mean as it sounds, anxious to get the physical pain out of the way.I've heard, "The thought of the pain is worse than the actual pain."  Maybe so, but I want to get it done with and hold our little girl.

  Tuesday, 13 January 2009  Lydia Enters The World. It's Aunt Jody here.  Lydia Hope has arrived!  She arrived at 12:46 and weighed in at 7lbs 14oz.  Mommy and baby are healthy and pictures will be posted as soon as I get one.

  

  Wednesday, 18 March 2009 Stacey's One Huge Fear. One huge fear I have is that Lydia will have asthma.  I have severe asthma.  I was diagnosed at 15 months of age, and hospitalized 3 times by the time I started school.  I was on medication regularly and had many trips to the emergency room.  When I got to high School (I had to be cool) I started smoking.  At the age of 18 I was hospitalized my senior year in H.S. The day after Thanksgiving.  I was hospitalized again in the spring.  This pattern followed for 10 years.  At 20, 22, 24, 26, 28 I was hospitalized twice a year, and I had frequent ER visits in between at the very least 3 times a year.

  Saturday, 09 May 2009 One Year Ago Tonight I went to bed knowing that I would wake up and take a pregnancy test. I had no idea how much different my life wouild be today.We had a miscarriage in August 2006.  Last year May 10th was a Saturday.  I went to a Mother/Daughter Breakfast with our church ladies.  By the time I got there EVERYONE knew I was pregnant.

  Thursday, 17 September 2009 Stacey Moves to Florida. I'm alive! We moved 15 days ago. We JUST got our internet hooked up!  I have nearly 2,000 emails to sort through, as well as still trying to unpack with a crawling 8 month old.  I will do my best to catch up on everyones blogs.

  Monday, 26 July 2010  Sister Jody Begins Chemotherapy. My sister started her chemo today.  She is on the two strongest chemo medications available.  They told her she will lose her hair within 3 weeks, hair will grow back. 

  Wednesday, 27 October 2010 Fred Needs Gallbladder Surgery. so.... we ended up at the ER on Monday night, and Fred is now recovering from gallbladder surgery.  Any thing else for us?

  Wednesday, 29 December 2010 Lydia Turns Two. I can not believe That in 2 weeks and one day, I will have a 2 year old!  Where did the time go?  She is so adventurous.  No less than 5 times in the past 3 weeks did I anticipate having to take her to the ER for either running full speed off the bed, standing on a chair and falling over, hugging the TV (don't ask).  She is such a spitfire!

  Wednesday, 16 March 2011 Stacey's 10th Xangaversary Post. 10 years ago.  I had just left my dead end job at the deli - I had no idea what my future had in store for me.   3 states later, 1 miscarriage, 2 relationships 1 beautiful toddler, 7 years in health care, 2 cars, 100 lbs lost and gained, switched from diet pepsi to diet coke (haha), stopped dying my hair after 14 years, lost friends, reunited with old ones, made many lifetime ones. Thanks for the trip Xanga.  I'm still along for the ride!

  Thursday, 14 April 2011 Urgent Prayer Request We will be leaving FL and headed to NYC in a few hours.  We got a call that my MIL is in a coma.

  Tuesday, 26 April 2011  Stacey's MIL today Fred's mom will be removed from life support.

  Monday, 01 August 2011 This Was Lydia Last Week while we were waiting for friends at Starbucks

  

  Monday, 08 August 2011  Sad News About A Xanga Friend Just found out that one of my Xanga friends that I met while I was expecting Lydia passed away last month.    http://dulcilee.xanga.com/ She had transplant Surgery in May 2009.

  Wednesday, 16 November 2011 Stacey Prepares to Relocate. We're moving.  On Saturday.  That is right.  3 days from now I will be cleaning like crazy and hopefully everything will be in the cars/truck.  We will drive 375 miles or so to Ocala and spend the night at my parent's house.  We have secured our new apartment and I hope it is as nice as it looks.  HUGE NEWS!  I will have a Washer and Dryer! 

  Wednesday, 30 November 2011 "Lydisms" When she can't find her bepper (the cloth diaper she used as a security blanket) "Where's the Bepper?" When she finds it "OH!, I found Bepper!"

  Sunday, 25 December 2011 Fred Breaks His Arm. Fred broke his arm on December 4th, so the past 3 weeks have been a lot of sleeping, and pain and struggle and MD appointments. December 20th he had surgery to repair the break, he stayed 2 nights in the hospital and came home on Thursday the 22nd. God has provided that we've been fed and everything.  SO Thankful for that! Fred goes back to the MD on Thursday, hopefully we'll have some good news.  His boss has been INCREDIBLE in this whole situation!

  Thursday, 19 January 2012  How Has Xanga Changed or Impacted Your Life? I have forged lifelong friendships with people I have met on Xanga.  I am so blessed because of it!  In March, I will have been here for 11 years.  I think back to 20 years ago and what we now take for granted as the internet was something so furturistic sounding.  I am so glad that Xanga has brought me and some close friends together

  Saturday, 18 February 2012  Stacey Goes For a Ride. I'm not feeling that well but was glad to get out of the house.  We drove a couple of towns up to Juno Beach, FL.  We drove through Palm Beach and just looked at all the extravagance.  We stopped in Juno Beach at a playground and let Lydia run around for a while.  They had five different slides that she took advantage of. 

  Thursday, 23 February 2012  Nightmares! I had terrible, horrible, awful nightmares last night.  needless to say I didn't sleep well. Last night when I was cooking dinner, Lydia came into my teeny kitchen and out of nowhere just reached up, held my hand and said, "Don't worry Mama."  Then went back to her Sesame Street DVD. She's my everything on this earth.

  Saturday, 17 March 2012 Xangaversary Yesterday was my 11 year Xangaversary!  I've changed quite a bit since I started blogging!

  Tuesday, 08 May 2012  Stacey Enters Heaven. This is Jody, Stacey's sister. As many of you know, we lost Stacey on Saturday.  We know that many of you would  not be able to make it to any services, but I just want to let everyone know that services are being held on Friday May 11th.

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  This blog entry is dedicated to the memory of Stacey Knapp, typical Xanga blogger, and to her daughter Lydia, her husband Fred, and her entire family and group of friends. Tired of the brouhahas du jour I always seem to find on Xanga's "Front Page" and among the"featured" and "recommended" content, last week I found myself traveling the less well known virtual streets and boulevards of Xanga. I've met so many in eight years "here" and still am amazed at all those I have never encountered. I came across Stacey's blog, directed perhaps by the Hand of God. I don't believe I ever visited her when she was alive. There was the news that she had died. Many times when confronted with a "new blog to me", I will make that blog my "project" and I will read it like one would a novel, from beginning to end. Stacey was one of those bloggers who has a long Xanga history, and has pretty much lived the last third of her life in her "pages", I began to read those pages, and immerse myself in that life.

  As I read Stacey's blog, I wanted to distill her essence, and share her story. I copy/pasted the links to "benchmark entries" as well as "typical" blog entries. This has been an amazing process. Stacey has reached down from heaven and touched my soul deeply, through her blog. The "Chapter headings" are in some instances mine, and in some instances the titles of the entries from the blog. Sometimes I might have joined passages from either end of an entry, or chosen words from the middle of an entry. Each date is a link to the actual blog entry. Stacey began blogging at the age of 26. A lot of time in Stacey's short life was spent giving her testimonial and bearing witness to her love of Jesus. She has shared her life, her hopes, her legacy. It's all on her blog. Xanga is Stacey. Xanga is you. Xanga is me.

  Michael F. Nyiri, poet, philosopher, fool (Blog entry constructed and dedication written: 6/17/12, a year and a day ago.)

  Posted:June 18, 2013 7:14 AM

  • 10:38 pm
  • 7 Comments