February 16, 2006

  • ElectricPoetry Diaries

    Blogging has been around for at least five years. Before I ever heard of blogging, however, and six years before I created WhenWordsCollide, the blog on Xanga which you are now reading,  I "datestamped" my webpage updates on my ElectricPoetry website. Following is the first installment of the complete "blogpage" called the "ElectricPoetry Diary" from March 2000 till January 2004, when I had changed the format to the blogger site, "Heartbeats on the Oscilliscope of Life". This will be presented in three entries. The following starts at the beginning in 2000. On the actual webpage, the most "recent" entry was the first one on the page, unlike how I am presenting it here.

     

     The newer entries are here.

    The Online Diary of

    Michael F. Nyiri
    poet,philosopher,fool
     
    MARCH 30, 2000
    DEAR DIARY, I couldn't have thought it could finally happen, but after nearly a year, I am finally getting to see some readers return, and as I make more webfriendships, which are stimulated by building a COMMUNITY of websites, then I realize that there is a lot of  very interesting and vital art and literature being produced on the internet today by a vast variety of people. I really feel this is a companionship that can breed and multiply, enhancing all of our lives. I really have only recently begun to feel this "real" "virtual" sense of community, and since I always wanted to have a "perfect society" on an "island" somewhere, I serenely feel like the internet is the sea, and ElectricPoetry is my island.
    APRIL 1, 2000
    DEAR DIARY,
    It's 10:00am. My room-mate is at work today so I have the place to myself.  I've got The Dixie Chick's Fly CD playing "Some Days You Gotta Dance", and I'm dancing around the room, fooling with Spike the cat. In the coumputer room, I'm doing my finances on Microsoft Money, I have the internet up and running, with my website editor showing onscreen along with the Money program. The CD ends, I fire
    up the 'ol Napster, download some Britney Spears, then access my own MP3 of Faith Hill's "The Kiss"
    and realize that truly, as if I'm dreaming, I'm just simply in love. That's why I feel so good.
    I'm in love, waiting for the day now when my soulmate and I get together physically, and the plan is on my birthday, May 1, which is fitting,
    because it is exactly one year to the day that I put up my webpresence. I am incredibly happy, diary, for possibly the first time in my life.
    Thousands of positive feelings pour through my heart and soul. For once, each phrase or beat of a song is proclaiming happiness instead of
    sadness. This is particularly weird for me. I used to "drown myself in beer" and turn music up real loud, and try to immerse my sad soul into
    a state of "false  happiness." I still observe my room-mate do this on a nightly basis.
    I always believed that  that I would never really fall in love, and all my feelings were of longing.
    Now that the longing is transforming itself into simly a longing that we finally get together and begin our  life together, I just can't believe that it took this long for it too happen. My poetry has always been sad poetry, and I feel a great transformation is about to take place, ah, I can see it happening as my mind and being fill with this wonderfulness.
    I have competing good feelings. This hasn't happened before. I have to give thanks to that
    wonderful phone-television-typewriter-slide projector-mailbox that is the internet. Because I finally decided to use the internet as a tool to inspire and enhance my creativity, I feel  more alive than I have in years. Coupled to that because of my internet lovesearch, I have connected to my muse. We will start one of those "internet love sites" and maybe even the wedding will be documented on the net. I have for once in my life begun feeling incredibly happy. (Have I mentioned this enough, diary.) I am making plans for a life with a woman from whom I receive the greatest love in history. On top of that, thanks to my involvement with my poetry club, the site fights, and corresponding with ex-classmates at Rosemead High School on classmates.com, I am finally getting a "community" of  people with whom I can correspond, and who can read my feelings "like a book" and help me to realize my place in this world. As hopefully I can help them do the same.
    As usual, this has turned into a hurricane torrent of words.
    Well, now I'm going to put the top down on the convertible, and take advantage of this wonderful day. On April Fools Day I feel the perfect fool, dear Diary. And I am loving it.
    APRIL 11, 2000
    DEAR DIARY,
    The sun has been down a while now, and I've just "got back" from "surfing some more sites" with potential VEers, and was struck with the true "Spirit of the Site Fights". I admit, I was pretty overwhelmed with the process at first, but now rather enjoy visiting the other sites, but not only that. Pretty soon you are part of that vast community I'm always talking about. As I "go back" and notice new additions and changes on the different personal sites,  and as people visit my sites and give praise, you get to a point where you realize that this spirit is the spirit of true community. We might only be joined at first because we agreed to Vote Exchange, and the longer you are in the Fights, I surmise, you start asking every website that comes in the door to VE with you. I've seen Support Walls that take years to load. But seriously, I do feel a "sense of camaraderie unheralded till now." And of course, hopefully some people are actually reading the poems. But, dear Diary, I feel good. I'm in love. I'm making more new webfriends by the day, and the more people I meet, the more time I want to spend really perusing their personalities through their sites. The vast internet is awaiting. (I need one of those really fast modems, Santa.)
    APRIL 16, 2000
    DEAR DIARY,
    In the many (few?) years I've existed on this planet, I have had conflicting emotions before. But always one of these was an unhappy emotion, which was usually battling it out with and winning in its fight with the benevolent emotion. Now, for the first time in my life, I feel incredibly happy. All the conflicting emotions are wonderful emotions, not scarred by grief and tears.  Because of the first steps I took on my birthday last year, on May 1 to create a webpresence, two incredibly profound things are happening in my life.
    And May 1 ,Mayday , my birthday, is coming around in a scant two weeks.
    The happy emotions are those I feel because I am constantly thinking of Regina, my muse, my lover , and my other half, soon to be here with me where we can start our lives together. I met her because of connectivity spurred by the internet. This same connectivity is fueling my Spirit in the Site Fights, where for the first time I've been fighting, my supporters have taken me to the Inner Isle with all tens, and I am for the first time fighting against a teammate and supporter, Morgana, while another teammate and supporter, Wren Wolfbane, advanced out of the Inner Isle for the first time. Connectivity is the theme of ElectricPoetry. Dear Diary, I am truly happy in this the dawning of my golden years.
    APRIL 23, 2000
    DEAR DIARY,
    I have a few hours left before we disconnect the computer before heading back to California. I arrived in the desert on the 21st, and an spiriting away my muse, and we are beginning our new life together. All the elements of the Universe seem to smile on us, as we begin our adventure. I feel a "rich, romantic" hold on my life this Easter morning. It's as if my "eggs are in my basket" of life, ready for fate to collect them.
    MAY 3, 2000
    DEAR DIARY,
    Now that I am back in my home state of California, and my muse is living close by me, I feel the poetry is about to retrun again. I recently found a volume of a few poems from 1995, which I plan to add to these pages this weekend. I hardly remember writing them, when my life was in a sad state, now that it has truly turned from melancholy to bliss. I have never felt the love I feel now, and the poetry wells in me, ready to burst on the page. I am happy for truly the first time in my life, and I raise my voice to the heavens in thanks to Regina, my queen.
    MAY 6, 2000 
    DEAR DIARY,
    There are two things happening in my life at this moment. One of them, of course, concerns my muse and inspiration, Regina.
    She is now living merely minutes from me, and the feelings I feel when thinking about her are magnificent. The other concerns the love and sincerity which I have found since I returned in the realm of the Site Fights. I must say that at first, even though I eagerly joined, and joined in the Site Fights, I did think it was a rather cynical affair. At first, only seeing the requests for VE, and the many Reminders emails, I didn't think the people involved even had time to work on their sites, much less engage in the camaradere the endeavor promised. Then a funny thing happened. Within a few weeks involvement. I "figuratively" "met" a lot of various people, people who turned out not only to be genuine and special, but flesh and blood humans with foibles and fortunes. In the past few days,  while voting, and reading the various reminders, and because of a terrible tragedy which really touched my soul, I really feel as if now, even more so than ever before, a sense of community exists on the world wide web, and I am a part of it. These are the days which are changing my soul.
    MAY 14, 2000 
    DEAR DIARY,
    I had a wonderful weekend visiting my favorite place, the Southern California Renaissance Faire, with my love, my friend, and companion, My Regina. I have asked her to be with me forever. We are truly planting the seeds of love from the depths of our bosoms. I have not felt this
    sense of wonder and companionship for ages, and the feeling is good.  The various and myriad feelings which have prompted my poetry in the past have nearly been forgotten, as I prepare for a life of love. Although I feel the poems return, in truth I have not set "pen to paper" as often as I thought I would, but I am certainly not  regretful of any feelings  I am currently feeling. There have been some sadnesses, as are evident as I  get to know more people through this website and the experience of the site fights, but these sadnesses sare somewhat universal, and I have known them for eons. The chief emotion I feel as I write this is happiness. The happiness I can only have felt through my relationship with Regina. Here is to my muse!!
    JUNE 5 , 2000 
    DEAR DIARY,
    I have recently upgraded the Archives pages on the ol' website, and have imported some logos I designed into the page, to hopefully try and develop a graphic style for each page. The content is still king, however, and the archives link to a lot of early poetry
    JUNE 18, 2000 
    DEAR DIARY,
    Whoever said life was easy probably never said it. Most times life is incredibly hard. Even if we think our spirit is soaring and events are happening in a wonderful manner, there is still often a "straw breaking a camel's back" somewhere in our lives. As I interact with more people, through the Site Fights, and on the internet in general, I find that nobody has really ever found exactly what they are looking for, but I guess that is what makes this "chase" through life interesting. We are all learning, day by day, how to live with ourselves and with the world in general. Various things which have happened to me lately have put me in a "wait and see" mode, a mode which I really haven't ever used in my life. I am always a "go get it" type, and get frustrated VERY easily. I think as I sit back and ponder some more, that I have to increase my "Patience Potential" and wait a little longer. Life, most of the time, seems to gallop past at an alarming pace, especially with the rise of "internet culture" and so many labor saving devices which seem to increase labor. Although my frustration at not being able to accomplish what I want at any particular time shows in my life and my interactions, I am willing to filter this frustration, and begin to have the patience to wait and see what happens. Time will tell is a very good homily. And like all homilies it is true and that is why it survives.
    JULY 9, 2000
    DEAR DIARY,
    Yesterday I installed a MIDI sequencer program which I purchased some months back, and opened the little piano icon which allows you to make music. The program has a mixing board, and seems to be for sound what the Micrografx Picture Publisher is for images. I do believe I will be able to make music for my websites, using this program, and I've never played an instrument in my life. From my elementary school days, I have always been very interested in sound, and used to record TV theme music off the television with a small reel to reel tape deck, and also would record "radio shows" with my brother and sister.
    So far, on the internet, I have dabbled in content, writing poetry, philosophy, and my movie reviews, and also I have created background sets and graphics, which draws upon my subconscious artistic nature. I always wanted to play the piano, and at 47, I may begin, starting with this music program. The first piece I imported was the alluring MIDI which I use here on ElectricPoetry. I doubled the guitar and harmonica tracks, and made it sound fuller, but couldn't get the right notes down on the refrain.
    When I finish, I will put it on this site.
    I think this would be the perfect place to add music, and instead of prerecorded pieces, like the Enya MIDIs which are all over my Site Fights team, the Seryn Isle Elves, I really feel I could make some haunting and lyrical works.
    Just more proof that the computer and the internet are fostering creativity. I am very thankful to be alive in this wonderful time
    JULY 30, 2000
    DEAR DIARY,
    Back in April I was so happy to have been able to bring the love of my life here to California to live alongside me, and to experience life alongside me. Last week, this woman, the beautiful Regina, decided to leave these environs and move back to her home in the desert. Her life here in California proved too difficult, and though she still loves me, she finds she can get easier employment, and can survive this life a little better from the comfort of her earlier home.
    This move at first devastated me, but I am doing a little better since I have had contact with her, and know she is happy.
    SEPT. 4, 2000
    DEAR DIARY,
    It seems that a lot of my early poems had the subject of inactivity. I would go for long spells without writing anything, and then proclaim the "the poetry is all gone" in a poem. When Regina left for her home in New Mexico a little over a month ago, the poetry in me again seemed to flee, and I haven't written anything since "Confessional." In the old days, the only witnesses to this inactivity were my notebooks, and now with the suddenness of the web, periods of inactivity show up, or more succinctly, do not show up, for all the world to see on this page. Since I sincerely believe that my poetry is my life, when the poems do not come to me, then I sometimes feel as if my life is stagnating, when in actuality, the "life" is what gets in the way of the urge to write poetry. Even this diary is sporadic, as I fully intended to supplement the poetry with prose detailing what was "on my mind" at any given time.  Well, as long as the website is evolving, and as long as I can touch my readers, then there is nothing to worry about. The words always come to the surface, even after months or years of dormancy.
    There will be two more entries in this series of older blog articles commencing from where this blog leaves off up until Jan. of 2004. I created this blog, WhenWordsCollide, on Xanga on Memorial Day 2004. Just In Case, you wish to "finish the story" now and read the rest of this particular blog, the LINK IS HERE.

Comments (10)

  • I have to do my own little timewarp here now.  In spring, 2000, I was getting ready to graduate from high school.  At the end of March, my boyfriend of three months dumped me.  It devastated him more than it did me, apparently, and he didn't get over it for several years.  In the meantime, I dated and quickly fell for the boy who would become my husband, the kid who sat behind me in class, who called me the Hairy Monster the year before in our math class before he knew me.  This boy pulled me aside after class one day and told me he liked me and asked for a hug.  I was thinking, "Okay, whatever, it's just Steve," completely clueless even though he had just told me that he meant like as in romantic affection.  I gave him a hug and started dating the other guy the next week.  It was a strange year.  We had an amazing summer, spending every extra moment together.  We could talk about anything, and the chemistry was intense.  He knew I was leaving San Antonio for Cleveland in the fall for school and that I was very excited about it.  We decided to make it a long-distance thing.  September is about the time a dear friend in college started to fall in love with me, and that semester apart from Steve and with all these new ideas and new forms of attention in Ohio almost ripped us apart.  Six years later, we're five months happily married.  It's not been perfect, but nothing ever is, is it?  It's worth it.  I just yacked your ear (eyes) off.  Something about your timeline made me want to share mine at that time, to glance over the parallels.  Have a great weekend, Mike!  ~ Emily

  • I so love reading your life.

  • You comment so well that I have to re-comment/comment again.  I started this type of insane commenting with another girl I just discovered on Xanga.  Then, of course, I use commenting as often as proper e-mailing for another friend.  Steve and I will be visiting said friend and her husband this weekend.  I'm terribly excited. -- I respect that you don't play Internet games.  I sort of wish they didn't entice me so much, but as I said, I'm very self-centered and I still have the questionnaire-loving mindset that was one of the more minor and superficial, but nonetheless real, reasons I pursued psychology in college. -- My dad was doing so well with his management.  He takes his blood pressure at the appointed times and it's so much lower than it was when he was diagnosed.  I'm like him in that my blood pressure skyrockets when I even think about taking it.  I haven't seen the other lab results, but I agree with my dad that it's more a pre-diabetic state than full fledged pancreas unhappiness.  The friend I mentioned (aliashope, by the way) has a strange medical condition which makes her very sensitive to sugars and glutens and breads and things.  Actually, her body rejects them and creates an infection which inflames her whole body.  She's done a lot of research and has found that people who have done Atkins or similar low-carbohydrate diets for extended periods of time and then revert back to their regular eating habits are more prone to diabetes.  I can totally see this being the case. Poor Liz. -- My grandparents are in Colorado. I told my mom that I'd fly out next weekend if necessary to help her clean and help my grandmother recuperate. If I do so, I will certainly bring my digital camera. -- "(I'm not admitting anything, you understand.)" - This makes me smile so much! -- I loved Phoenix as Cash. I've always loved old country music, although I wasn't as knowledgeable about Cash as the likes of Waylon and Willie. He will soon grow into my repertoire, though. After seeing the movie, my brother wants to marry June Carter -- The battle lines between the dualists and the universalists are sad. However, I have a respect for those dualists who believe in God and Satan but are open to thinking about and respecting others' interpretations. I believe that some people need to see this dichotomy at this stage in their lives. Maybe I'm too coddling, but I know that people's journeys are very different. That's why we have this life and why some of us live them so long. We stick around because we have something more to give to the world and/or something more to learn. -- I like to play with different writing styles. I think I never got past the supposed psychological stage in which children or young adolescents really formalize the distinction between self and other. I'll try to write sometimes crytpic things that evoke different emotions. Other times, I'll describe things using the five senses only to find that others don't get the same response. I still assume that others think like me or can read my mind or something. It's a personal flaw, to some extent, but it's also a blessing, I think. Be well, Mike. As always, you've given me a lot to think about, and your thoughtful comments and this ensuing discussion have brightened my mind and my day :spinning:

  • Another comment, and perilously close to the other one.  How 'bout BoureeMusique and I just keep tag-teaming your comment box...?  *grin*

    You might want to check out my web host. I'm not sure of all the plans she has, but the package she offers may beat what you're paying now.  And I know for sure you won't be able to beat the customer service.  She is incredible.

  • You were so far ahead of us Michael... who ever said "life is easy" probably really said "life is a rollarcoaster ride"... and for it me it's full of the thrill of one, the sickness and the same desire for to never end!

  • You always share such personal and thought provoking insights of your life. 

  • Hey Mike

    Hope you are doing well.

    F

  • Interesting.  I have a paper journal (how retro of me) but I never start entries with "Dear Diary" because for some reason I can't think of anything to say to a book.  I usually start "Dear God" "Dear Randy" "Dear Dad" "Dear Somebody" [insert name, living or dead].  :fun:

  • Dear Mike

    Thanks for stopping by.  I haven't been good about posting  lately.  Just busy and life got crazy for awhile there.  My creative muse was major league lacking..I hope that you are doing well.  I think of you often, even if I don't get by.

    Hope you are well.

    Love

    Kat

  • If you have a location for your event, we can do an on site assessment and discuss the marquee layout.

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