June 25, 2005
-
The Constant PallBearer
Poetry by Michael F. Nyiri
Sat. June 25, 2005 7:25 a.m. pdt
Mom and Dad, I miss you both immensely
Even though I fear I forget your faces oftentimes
The shiny white walls of the hospitals never glistened for me
And when they put your bodies in the ground
The walls could fade and burnish, lose thier lustre,
And for me this was a revelation of respect
I will talk to you in silence, free from those hospital walls
Free from the sickening alcohol smells
And the overweight nursing staff with their
pinned up hosiery
Plodding through the halls with the shiny walls
Those are not missed at all
Tom, I never even gave you the respect
of visiting you in those halls of dissolution
The sights and sounds and smells of sickness
didn't touch me as we telephoned our concerns
And seeming lack, as we knew you
would never walk again, but we didn' t know
you would never breathe either.
The casket was incredibly heavy
holding your girth and weight,
which, now, has gone the way of the worm
leaving nothing but raucous memories
weaving between the wormwood
Bob, I will never forget
you, lying, naked on the bathroom floor
No hospitals for you, just another
evening trip to the shi**er, the last trip.
Joel banging on the door
needing to take a pi** and you wouldn't open it
because your life was gone,
and no matter what we did
you wouldn't be revived.
47 seems like such a young age to leave
Cutedog, I still grieve for your passing,
The disease never showed itself on your website
Only happy bunnies and blooming flowers
Only your words of comfort hovering
over someone's perceived sadness
But never yours
The day I "visited" you on the internet
and the website remained in limbo
for a while
but you weren't around to update anymore
It had been a while since you had left
But I didn't know
And now I do
Dan you were so full of life
The 'Crazy Canuck' with a beer and a joint
Still living in the same neighborhood in Toronto
where you grew up.
Working at the same elementary school
you attended
You traveled, you had many friends,
You always came back to SoCal to see us
and we had such grand times
Until that day last year Joel called and
you couldn't answer becuase that pneumonia
stifled your presence forever
and you weren't even 50
We still can't believe you are gone
The souls of humankind gather together in eternity
On Earth we become pallbearers for existence
We pray, we plead, we shed a tear, and we go on
for a while at least, until it is our time.
We command soulgrief and we carry the
weight of time's coffin until we lay down for the last time
The burden of existence is not carried by the dead
They are free of all bothersome questioning
Until that time as we are released from our burden
we will worry, we will mourn, and we will remember
and at some future time, perhaps in a decade
perhaps in a couple of minutes,
we will join Mom, Dad, Tom, Bob, and Dan in eternity
And we might be mourned until
our mourners join us as well
in the place nobody knows exists
but everybody will experience
at the time that someone else
becomes the constant pallbearer
I know I just posted an ElectricPoetry Post on Thursday, and I usually don't like to post two like entries in a row, but I was "inspired" to write the above this morning by some very sad news. I have just subscribed to another of Terry Cuthbert's "blogs", one he is sure will be his last, More Than Just Crabs. Terry was recently diagnosed with incurable cancer. I immediately wrote the above after learning the news. Tomorrow I'll post some photos, I promise. But today, I am thinking of Terry, and of all the family, friends, and fellow bloggers and website owners I have known who are no longer here in life, but who exist in The Universal Mind, and in my heart. MFN
Comments (134)
I've seen too many dead people. It's probably why I'll kill myself. I don't want to see more, and if I live much longer, that will inevitably happen.
This is the time that we who don't write look to you who do write to express our feelings. Thank you Michael for your words. There are no words to really say how I feel. I too I'm saddened by the news. What does one do ,say or think. We think of our own immortality. It is easy oneday life is living and then life is no longer. It would be easrier to be gone in a flash. But we are born in pain and we seem to have to die in pain whether it is the pain of the mind, body or soul. I still ask those why questions Why me why him why them..... Why ...WHy....Why.....I wish I had a stronger faith but I'm still searching for that inner peace. I hope we can save all our writings and have a wall of memories here on Xanga.
~Thoughts through the looking glass~
:heartbeat:Karolyn @-}-}-
That's sad , but life and death . I miss many people too . My Mom and Dad , Nannie , Aunt's , Uncles ,freind's . So many people .
Somethjing's in life are funny to a point as you said , I just lauhed for whatever reason lol Thaty's in regard to your comments , sorry I didn't add the RYC: at the beginning .
Peace and Love
Very touching Michael - also very caring!
Holy moly Mike! I'm blown away by this one. I'd say you were inspired!
New dylan mp3 up just for you.
lisa
It's amazing to me that I am now older than my oldest brother... he drowned at the age of 32... and in a couple decades I'll be older than my father was when he passed. Although they often visit me in my dreams, I am not ready yet to join them.
Mine eyes wax heavy and the day grows old,
The dew falls thick, my blood grows cold.
Draw, draw the the closéd curtains: and make room:
My dear, my dearest dust; I come, I come.
--Lady Catherine Dyer, Epitaph On the Monument of Sir William Dyer at Colmworth, 1641
My condolences for all your losses.
Dear Mike,
It was indeed disheartening to hear such news. To think that one day there might be a stop to the lives of not only Terry ... but his wonderfully rich characters ... that is a bit too much to bear if I think about it for too long.
Love & Friendship,
Liz
How touching, and how heartwrenching! You've made me think of the loved ones I've lost over the years. I know we can't toy with fate, and life and death come at their own whims. But I still wonder what my world would be like if those people were still here. Nicely done.
Mike, you took me on an emotional roller coaster. This poem touched me on a deep emotional level, causing me to reflect back on my own life and the people that was. People who influenced me still today even though they do not wal with me anymore.
Very good, Mike. This is the most moving poem I've read for a long time. It seems like death has been crashing the party of my life lately. You've exressed so much of what I have felt but couldn't articulate. I can barely bring myself to even comment on Terry's new blog. I feel much the same as the narrator even though I still have my health. I don't want to be a pallbearer any more.
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