June 25, 2005

  • The Constant PallBearer
    Poetry by Michael F. Nyiri
    Sat. June 25, 2005 7:25 a.m. pdt


    Mom and Dad, I miss you both immensely
    Even though I fear I forget your faces oftentimes
    The shiny white walls of the hospitals never glistened for me
    And when they put your bodies in the ground
    The walls could fade and burnish, lose thier lustre,
    And for me this was a revelation of respect
    I will talk to you in silence, free from those hospital walls
    Free from the sickening alcohol smells
    And the overweight nursing staff with their
    pinned up hosiery
    Plodding through the halls with the shiny walls
    Those are not missed at all


    Tom, I never even gave you the respect
    of visiting you in those halls of dissolution
    The sights and sounds and smells of sickness
    didn't touch me as we telephoned our concerns
    And seeming lack, as we knew you
    would never walk again, but we didn' t know
    you would never breathe either.
    The casket was incredibly heavy
    holding your girth and weight,
    which, now, has gone the way of the worm
    leaving nothing but raucous memories
    weaving between the wormwood


    Bob, I will never forget
    you, lying, naked on the bathroom floor
    No hospitals for you, just another
    evening trip to the shi**er, the last trip.
    Joel banging on the door
    needing to take a pi** and you wouldn't open it
    because your life was gone,
    and no matter what we did
    you wouldn't be revived.
    47 seems like such a young age to leave


    Cutedog, I still grieve for your passing,
    The disease never showed itself on your website
    Only happy bunnies and blooming flowers
    Only your words of comfort hovering
    over someone's perceived sadness
    But never yours
    The day I "visited" you on the internet
    and the website remained in limbo
    for a while
    but you weren't around to update anymore
    It had been a while since you had left
    But I didn't know
    And now I do


    Dan you were so full of life
    The 'Crazy Canuck' with a beer and a joint
    Still living in the same neighborhood in Toronto
    where you grew up.
    Working at the same elementary school
    you attended
    You traveled, you had many friends,
    You always came back to SoCal to see us
    and we had such grand times
    Until that day last year Joel called and
    you couldn't answer becuase that pneumonia
    stifled your presence forever
    and you weren't even 50
    We still can't believe you are gone


    The souls of humankind gather together in eternity
    On Earth we become pallbearers for existence
    We pray, we plead, we shed a tear, and we go on
    for a while at least, until it is our time.
    We command soulgrief and we carry the
    weight of time's coffin until we lay down for the last time


    The burden of existence is not carried by the dead
    They are free of all bothersome questioning
    Until that time as we are released from our burden
    we will worry, we will mourn, and we will remember
    and at some future time, perhaps in a decade
    perhaps in a couple of minutes,
    we will join Mom, Dad, Tom, Bob, and Dan in eternity
    And we might be mourned until
    our mourners join us as well
    in the place nobody knows exists
    but everybody will experience
    at the time that someone else
    becomes the constant pallbearer



    I know I just posted an ElectricPoetry Post on Thursday, and I usually don't like to post two like entries in a row, but I was "inspired" to write the above this morning by some very sad news. I have just subscribed to another of Terry Cuthbert's "blogs", one he is sure will be his last, More Than Just Crabs. Terry was recently diagnosed with incurable cancer. I immediately wrote the above after learning the news. Tomorrow I'll post some photos, I promise. But today, I am thinking of Terry, and of all the family, friends, and fellow bloggers and website owners I have known who are no longer here in life, but who exist in The Universal Mind, and in my heart. MFN

Comments (134)

  • I've seen too many dead people. It's probably why I'll kill myself. I don't want to see more, and if I live much longer, that will inevitably happen.

  • :( i've been thinking about this too. it seems that one of terry's concerns is the loss of his writings, or maybe that is my concern layered over his news. there has to be a way to save his writing.... :cry:

  • This is the time that we who don't write look to you who do write to express our feelings. Thank you Michael for your words.  There are no words to really say how I feel. I too I'm saddened by the news. What does one do ,say or think. We think of our own immortality. It is easy oneday life is living and then life is no longer. It would be easrier to be gone in a flash. But we are born in pain and we seem to have to die in pain whether it is the pain of the mind, body or soul.  I still ask those why questions Why me why him why them..... Why ...WHy....Why.....I wish I had a stronger faith but I'm still searching for that inner peace. I hope we can save all our writings  and have a wall of memories here on Xanga. 

    ~Thoughts through the looking glass~
    :heartbeat:Karolyn   @-}-}- 

  • That's sad , but life and death . I miss many people too . My Mom and Dad , Nannie , Aunt's , Uncles ,freind's . So many people .

    Somethjing's in life are funny to a point as you said , I just lauhed for whatever reason lol Thaty's in regard to your comments , sorry I didn't add the RYC: at the beginning .

    Peace and Love :)

  • Very touching Michael - also very caring!

  • Holy moly Mike! I'm blown away by this one. I'd say you were inspired!

    New dylan mp3 up just for you. :)

    lisa

  • It's amazing to me that I am now older than my oldest brother... he drowned at the age of 32... and in a couple decades I'll be older than my father was when he passed. Although they often visit me in my dreams, I am not ready yet to join them.

    Mine eyes wax heavy and the day grows old,
    The dew falls thick, my blood grows cold.
    Draw, draw the the closéd curtains: and make room:
    My dear, my dearest dust; I come, I come.
    --Lady Catherine Dyer, Epitaph On the Monument of Sir William Dyer at Colmworth, 1641

    My condolences for all your losses.

  • Dear Mike,

    It was indeed disheartening to hear such news.  To think that one day there might be a stop to the lives of not only Terry ... but his wonderfully rich characters ... that is a bit too much to bear if I think about it for too long.

    Love & Friendship,
    Liz

  • How touching, and how heartwrenching!  You've made me think of the loved ones I've lost over the years.  I know we can't toy with fate, and life and death come at their own whims.  But I still wonder what my world would be like if those people were still here.  Nicely done.

  • Mike, you took me on an emotional roller coaster. This poem touched me on a deep emotional level, causing me to reflect back on my own life and the people that was. People who influenced me still today even though they do not wal with me anymore.

  • Very good, Mike. This is the most moving poem I've read for a long time. It seems like death has been crashing the party of my life lately. You've exressed so much of what I have felt but couldn't articulate. I can barely bring myself to even comment on Terry's new blog. I feel much the same as the narrator even though I still have my health. I don't want to be a pallbearer any more.

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