January 12, 2011

• Three Blog Entries from 2001

   
  

  
  SEPTEMBER 6, 2001
  DEAR DIARY,
  When I first came home from work this afternoon I was going to start reading the first novel I will have attempted in nearly two years, "Candle Bay", the new horror novel by Tamara Thorne, who isn't too well known, although probably should be, judging by the reverence paid her on the web. But I didn't. I didn't sit down to read an analog book because I sat down at the computer as usual. And I had an epiphany. I know, people who know me say I have too many epiphanies, but this was incredible. While rereading old guestbook entries on my own websites, in an attempt to connect with some sites and people whom I hadn't "seen" or "talked to" in months, I clicked on my web friend CuteDog's Site, and read that she had died. "Last night" is what her husband wrote on the site. I can picture him and sense him, sitting at her computer, dialing into her server, and "posting", what for me at least, has been like a message from time, but that is just as hard hitting. Especially when her husband has kept her site up, as a memorial, and I'm always talking about "virtual webpresences". Well I strolled her virtual webpresence tonight, and remembered her "essence" and I wrote tonight's poem, I only wish it were longer and more heartfelt. I really feel sad tonight, but I also feel special that because of the ability to connect to each other on the internet, I "knew" a life I wouldn't have known, and so I wouldn't have been able to remember it tonight.
  
  
  SEPTEMBER 22, 2001
  DEAR DIARY,
  The numbness hasn't even begun to wear off. It's nearly two weeks later.
  America is at war. The ships are sailing. The planes are in the air. I was very patriotic, at first, and then started questioning what "an invasion" would mean. I wrote my essay. I began to "preach" tolerance, and advised caution, both to people at work, on my websites, and in message posts on discussion boards . I am afraid of sending our young to fight another unseen enemy, and I want to caution the country to remember,and to think before embroiling itself in another Vietnam. I think I was rather full of myself anyway. I wanted to do "something" and created composites, and wrote poems. The posts were supposed to get people to read the essay. Answering one post, agreeing with the concept that any coming conflict could be compared with Vietnam, a war which I call a "mistake". I really "offended" someone by preaching pacifism and not joining the patriotic heros typing away, declaring that the US should declare "bombs away". That I posted a pacifist viewpoint caused me to be derided, and called a moron, and a coward. One patriot told me he was sure if I were on Flight 93, the plane surely would have reached it's intended destination. Needless to say, that last remark bothered me deeply, and I can only forgive this person his hatred and his jingoism. I have been incredibly upset the past day since this happened, and have stopped posting. In an attempt to get people to read the work, which exists, right here, I have done too much promoting. This is a terrible time, but it is a time I knew would come. I don't want to try to predict an outcome, and the events as they are happening are rather frightening. Two weeks. The enemy shot down one of our planes, even though it was an unmanned spy plane, it is another senseless use of fire and violence. From now on, I will reflect on the events, as they happen. It looks like we're at war, so I'm behind my country, right or wrong! (But I'm still sad for all the needless killing in store.)
  
  NOVEMBER 16, 2001
  DEAR DIARY,
  Merely two months after the shock of finding that one of my email correspondents had passed away, and that was a week before Sept. 11th, I just received the following email from my webfreind Sheryl, or Wren Wolfbane, whose link I featured on this page when we were fighting alongside each other in the Site Fights.
  "My husband; Jon A. Helmic,
  wonderful father to three beautiful boys,
  and the love of my life and soulmate,
  passed on into spirit, November 13th @2:15p.m.
  These past few months he had been trying to get his blood pressure under control.
  He had a blood vessel burst in his brain Monday morning, and he never recovered.
  He was 37, he was born on Christmas day."
  Needless to say, this "email edged in black", a matter of fact description of the loss of this great bear of a man, from his loving wife drained my heart until sore, and caused my SoulGrief to pour unabashedly into the Universal Being. Jon's death was sudden, he was far too young, and he has left behind his true soulmate, and three young touseled haired sons, who will now have to grow up with merely the fading memory of their father.
  I was overwhelmed upon reading these sad but noble words of Sheryl's, and though I don't know these wonderful people personally, I do probably know them more personally, by perusing their pages on their websites, than most of my actual friends and acquaintences.
  Immediately after reading the email, I hit reply, and composed the poem "SoulGrief"
  I wrote it for Jon's lifeforce, and for hris Mother Gaia and sons who are still on the Earth. I was reminded of the declaration which young braves used to proclaim upon riding into battle.
  "It is a good day to die."
  Jon battled his blood pressure, and in the end his battle was lost. But the final battle isn't over, and Sheryl still feels his presence through her SoulGrief.
  I have never experienced such incredible spiritual energy than what I feel when I "visit" Sheryl and Jon, and their family and friends. She is a true mystic, and I hope that Jon's mystical aura is enhanced and kept by her side comforted by his totem, the Bear.
  LIfe Really Begins at the Moment of Death, and for Jon, it was a good day to die.
  

  ---

  These three "blog entries" were presented on The ElectricPoetry Diary on my original website in 2001. I wrote the dates in myself and kept adding entries on the same web page as I wrote them. This was before I ever heard of blogging, was a couple of years before I created my blogs on Blogger and was four years before I began my Xanga blog, which will be online for 8 years this coming Memorial Day. I've supplied links to the poems I mention. To this day, when I read of someone's passing, I post a copy of the poem "SoulGrief" in comments on the blog of the person memorializing those who have passed. MFN/ppf

  • 12:54 am
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