February 17, 2008
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Featured Grownups: Choices.
It is not known for certain whether the soul can choose his or her earthly receptacle, but it is mostly agreed that we are not capable of choosing our sex, our parents or our place of birth. These variables in our existence are predetermined and we have no say in the matter. We grow through early life experiencing our family and our surroundings freshly and with great curiosity. As the only experience we know, and since it encompasses the first experience we know, our knowledge of our family and surroundings becomes a full time "job" for our budding cognizant minds.
Soon in our early existence, however, the concept of choice appears. We come to a fork in the path of our lives, and we choose which part of the path on which we will crawl, or later, walk. At first, these choices are few and are also partially or wholly predetermined by our circumstance. Our parents and family determine the early choices, and we believe these are the only choices, because we do not know otherwise. Knowledge is doled out discriminitely, and we seldom "know" something, or the choices inherent in selecting it, unless it is introduced into our sphere of influence.
I guess our early choices in this life, then, could be bad choices if our environment and familial values are lacking or skewered from the norm, if in fact, there is a norm, and it could be considered proper. A household which is bountiful and well adjusted will offer it's youngsters better and healthier choices than one that isn't so well adjusted.
This concept of "nurturing" young minds can, and has been argued and discounted. There is a competing social theory which posits that our choices are dictated by our natural instincts, and not necessarily because of boundries imposed by familial or social constructs. In other words, a youngster who is subjected to a less wholesome social construct might not necessarily turn out a bad apple, if it is in his nature to make the correct choices.
There could of course be an argument made for which choices in life are correct anyway. There are certainly numerous competing religious orders which would have one believe the path to righteousness is paved with the tracts from their particular belief system.
As one grows up and away from his familial sitiuation and is exposed to institutions of learning, more and more choices appear. There are almost too many choices abounding for the young emerging mind, too much input especially if the child has been sheltered by a family who wanted to make sure the choices were not too overwhelming when they arrived, which made them of course arrive even more overwhelmingly.
Like Robert Frost's road not taken, our missed and misguided choices make themselves known to us, usually quite quickly. We develop regrets and depressions. We strive for fulfillment, and want always to make the right choice. To "do the right thing.". Depending upon our upbringing, or our natural surroundings, or our baser instincts, we pick and choose throughout our lives. If we haven't chosen a casket by the time we kick the bucket, someone else shall have to choose it for us.
Choice is universal. The least intelligent animal on the planet makes choices hourly. Sometimes he goes to bed hungry, and sometimes sated. Sometimes our choices are filled with common sense. Sometimes they are spur of the moment. Sometimes they cause great joy, and sometimes great anger and sadness.
Sometimes a good choice for one of a couple seems to be a bad choice for the other half.
The more choices one is offered, and certainly, as one advances in age, the myriad choices multiply astoundingly, the more one is apt to make the wrong choice. I think we can consider ourselves successful in our choices if we can attain a certain degree of solidity and happiness in life. And sometimes, if we are not the sort to need solidity and happiness, then hopefully the choices we have made will steer us toward the type of life we want to live.
Happy? Sad? Angry? Satisfied? In the end, it's up to us. It's our choice.
This is a topic entry for the Featured Grownups blogring topic post: Choices.
Comments (65)
I enjoyed this Michael - I raised my children to understand they always have a choice!!:spinning:
Mike, The philosophical side of you are always interesting. I always maintained that we have choices but wondered if we have the will to execute those choices. Most of the time we just follow our autonomous reactions and never think that we actually have choices.
Some thoroughly thought out and well-expressed ideas here, Mike, all leading naturally to the meat of the matter: happiness and satisfaction are choices. If everyone realized that, it would end a lot of unhappiness.
Sometimes it seems like there are way too many choices! lol
Very thoughtful essay.
There is always a choice...which is why there are so darned many of them. I like choice...great gift to mankind!
Good point- choices are harder to make when you've not been allowed much. The freedom can get heady and make it hard to make the "right" choice. But right is so objective anyway, isn't it? I like your definition of making a right choice- being happy. So many choices every single day. But I'm happy to have choices and make decisions- they define who I am. The more I make the more I understand. Really thoughtful answer- it certainly made me think!
Is that a price tag around his ankle? only I would notice.lol
I have been doing a little ditty about my mother and my relationship because I have alot of anger in me brings up the past. I know now that it's not my mother but me who has the hairpin anger and I am doing my blogs recently to get to what it is. A memory and a word can bring this bile up and I thought at 56yrs old I would be so above this.(kidding) but over it-anyways. So you're saying I have a choice but it's there before I know it?
i think very few people actually have the choice to choose how to react to situations. as in their emotions. most of the people i know are set on a fuse and only react to situations neither choosing anything that isnt just bouncing around inside. it takes a great deal of effort to chose an emotion. to be happy when someone wants you to be upset.
Three ideas that immediately come to my mind after reading your response to this F_G topic.
First, I have always loved and understood Frost's Road Not Taken poem, even as a kid. The idea that "I took the one less traveled by and that has made all the difference", the path that "wanted wear", struck me as being Important when I was young. This poem has never left me, and I have often thought back to the challenge implied here when faced with a major decision in life.
Second, I had a mentor a number of years ago who challenged me to "bring your own weather". He was essentially saying what you end your entry with, that "In the end, it's up to us. It's our choice," where for me to bring my own weather is like me deciding to make up my mind to make what I can out of a particular situation.
Third, a wise woman once wrote me a letter my second year in college and told me basically that life is what you make of it. She reminded me that it's the journey that's important in the long run, learn from it what I can.
Even though some people missuse the gift of choice I'm very thankful that God gave us the ability of choice...... BTW thanks for the comment I love feedback especially from good writers like you......
You chose the right topic.
I enjoyed your entry on this topic. You made your case clear. (Ever thought about going inot law?) Choices lead to other choices. It is a never-ending set of choices. I even chose to visit your site and that has made all the difference.....
God gives us choices because he loves us so much.
I think one of the hardest choices in life is to chose not to gripe about the times when we didn't have choice.
great entry. Very thoughtful and well written.
I've been subed to featured grownups for some time but They've never featured me... oh well it's a good site that alerts me to a lot of good writers.
Not so sure if we can't really pick our parents or our gender or anything else. What if we did choose who we are but just don't remember choosing. I wonder what that would say about our current state.
I mean if our current memory were attached to the physical neurons in our physical brains do we neccessarily carry that with us when we travel from one world to the next? Who's to say our current conscientness is the ultimate conscientness? If no one realizes what is on the otherside then the possibleities are huge.
But then none of this has anything to do with your post, now does it? you posted on choices. Sorry to draw you off subject!
RE: That's alright I'm a shameless self promoter too! I have several short stories that are listed in the left hand side of my site if you like to read any of them just click on the name.
It is a good point, that the choices that children make is often determined by the choices their parents have made or are making. Just *knowing* that one has a choice often makes all the difference in the world.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment to my post.
Your post really touched me today because of a plethora of difficult decisions and the aftermath left by others that I find myself dealing with at the present time. I do believe that there are many things that are left to choice, but I also believe that the family that we come from also impacts that greatly. I have seen with my fiance the emotional damage that his mother has done and I see in myself the code that I live by for fear of letting down by Irish father. That being said, we chose to allow their presense to impact us the way it does. The other day, during a discussion about family dynamic, I asked, "Is it that hard to just decide to be happy and just be happy?" For me, it had never been a difficult choice, I tend to believe that has gotten me through my darker hours. For others, however, I wonder how many are completely unable to. Well, at any rate, you have given me a lot to think of! Although I might not always comment, I really enjoy your entries and picking up pieces of your wisdom and thoughts. Thank you - this is a terrific choice.
I once read a book that asked of we each have a happiness setpoint... are we redisposed to only reach a certain level of happiness - booya I say; although I like the fact that you point out in the early years we don't start out choosing good parents or abusive lives, but at some point it's up to us.
I'm glad you wrote on this topic, I was intersted in what you had to say and I knew I would enjoy it.
Pam
Tankless water heaters have been around for a long time overseas. No storage or reheating of hot water...it heats it up instantly as it travels thru the water heater. Gas is less trouble for most people, electric can cost $$$ at first because of the sheer power to run it. Still average family's only use about an hour of hot water or less a day. Ours is turning so complicated...only 700 to buy but over $2,000 to install. We are told it could be more....if so, then we will say STOP and sell it on e-bay. The electric company, electricians and plumbers will all be here soon. The problems is that it takes over 300 Amps to run and most houses only use 200 AMPS.
I have found making the right choices, based on doing the right thing is when things go well, it's making choices, knowing it is wrong, or bad, or immoral, or what have you....that things generally turn out poorly. Maybe not right away, but eventually it catches up to you.
No the "right thing" is not always black and white. That's where the trouble comes....and sometimes, circumstances dictate what you choose....knowing it's probably not the right choice, but the only option you have available.
Great entry. thought provoking.
This really is encouraging to read. I want to believe in the power of choice even though so often academia indoctrinates me with determinism: situational, genetic, dispositional, etc. The conclusion that all is predetermined is a hard one to accept because it leaves little room for responsibility. I do disagree with the closing statement to your post, we cannot decide our emotions. Part of what makes a response emotional is that it comes unbidden; however, you are right that we can choose how to live with the reactions.
Well written and well said. One choice can make all the difference.
well said, mike. we make a lot of choices in our life and while many of them don't change our lives much, some of them make us walk a different path and experience a different life. looking back can lead to regrets and pain, but now that i'm older, i'm not sure i would do that much differently... not love the person who hurt me so badly? hmm... but then i'd never have known what it feels like to be hurt by love. those choices have made me who i am. i can't regret that too much....:heartbeat:
It would be awesome if we could choose our own sex. imagine... you hit puberty and then you sign your life over to being male or female
... Would totally kill the whole "raised as a boy/girl" concept.
In regards to choices being a product of who you are moreso than a product of your environment... I agree. I believe bad circumstances only breed bad people if the person was bad to begin with. Not so sure people can change.... but enjoyed your post :heartbeat:
This is a great answer Mike.
very nice. a choice ...
This sounds right to me. You make so much sense that there usually isn't much more to add!~Jeri
I like the last bit especially - choice of response. That is probably the hardest in everyday life seeing how we basically react the way it seems fit without ever quite making a concious decision about it. The other one is choosing to stay or leave your partner when you've lost The Amazing Race challenge lol
One of my all time favorite songs is by Rush and called Freewill. My favorite lyric is "If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice". You are so right, life is full of choices, good, bad and indifferent. My younger years were a test of nature vs. nuture and I'm still unsure what side came out on top! At any rate great entry as usual -- In my last post you talked about my young start with smoking and drinking, well my choices post focused on those early BAD choices!
LIke you said though... in the end it's up to us. It's our choice.
I skipped this but liked your answer
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