July 26, 2007
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ElectricPoetry Post: New transcriptions 1979
INTRODUCTION: At 26, I realized Catherine (then the unrequited love of my life) would never return said love, but that didn't stop me from writing poetry for her, after having written a whopping 60something poems for her in 1978. My major relationship in 1979 was with Diane, a 38 year old gal who lived in the same apartment building as I, in a mostly carnal relationship. Eventually that relationship ended too, and only inspired two poems. Again I felt lost, and my epic poem of this period is "Empty Beer Cans". This is the first time any of these poems have been seen on the internet. I am finishing transcribing the poems for the year 1979 and these will eventually end up on the 1979 Page on the ElectricPoetry website. on which I am slowly but surely "publishing" my complete works online.
(MFN from the 1980 introduction and edited 2007.)"Poem for the New Year 1979"
Poetry by Michael F. Nyiri
January 11, 1979 6:00 p.m.
As each day passes
Can't tell which one goes past fastest
Begin accepting situations
And good times reside only in tired hallucinations
Declare tomorrow will be better
Dreams sleep silent like an unsent letter
Once excitement now routine
Living exactly like an imperfect machine
Yesterday is always easy
Noted occurances never crazy
Now today accepting fate
Begin admitting all too late
But wait
Optimistic voices falter
In their shout
But shout the same
You'll get better
Wait and see
Don't end the game
As a new year dawns
Try looking ahead forget we're just pawns
Change routines abolish situations
Cease this unimportant mental masturbation
She might be gone forever away
And though love in your heart will always stay
In exchange fo rthe new year we have to pay
And optimistic voices won't stray"Leave the Dreams by the Wayside (Again)"
Poetry (of sorts) by Michael F. Nyiri
January 24, 1979 5:45 p.m.
Cast out the commands remember and forget
Sit back relax hear how those words emit again
Again drop the dreams by the wayside
Again straighten your nonexistent tie and smile.Where, oh where (the cliche bites hard)
Past resurgence what did her face look like?
Hair cascade round perfection (a pout-
looks like she jumped out at the wayside)
(Again)I'm buying record albums again
I'm listening for the bite of the music
The music never dies - only slumbers in hibernation
for months at a time until it is needed
It reminds (the music reminds one)
of long ago...
forgotten nonexistent romance
remembered nonexistent dreams
Throw them out the window
Out on the grassy embankment
To sink into the fertile soil (the dreams)Only a cynical tear streams into the mouth
Salty
Am I thirsty?
Remembering?
Open the door (quick)
Leave the dreams by the wayside
Side by side
with yesterday."Empty Hours"
Poetry by Michael F. Nyiri
January 24, 1979 6:00 p.m.
Can hardly wait for tomorrow
Or tomorrow or tomorrow or the next
Or 8 o'clock or 9 or 10
Or tomorrow and the rest
Can hardly wait for friendship
Can hardly wait for love's song
Don't know why I'm so impatient
Don't know why I'm always wrongPhone calls in the evening
Wrong number on the line
Nobody to call and wonder
Am I doing fine?So I guess I am
Waiting
Can hardly wait for tomorrow
Or tomorrow
Or..."Go Away, Little Girl"
Poetry by Michael F. Nyiri
January 31, 1979 5:45 p.m.
You think I'm playing a game
That "not speaking to you" is only a sham
Well, let's not give it a name
Because maybe playing a game I amBelieve me, I want to speak to you
I've always harbored this need
But past conversations bear no clue
To emotions I want to readIn the past you flirted "at work"
And then went home to your own world
Well, I did not need this flirting quirk
I needed to drain the tears my heart heldSo if you have anything important to say
You can do so after hours off the job
I'm only a phone call away
I never wanted only to "hobnob"You know, to be in love with you ain't easy
I'm not on top of myself anymore
I don't want to be driven crazy
By nonexistent love or care, for sureIt's better when you're not even in sight
Then I can pretend you were only a dream
But when I see you I spend a bad night
Because my emotions are thrown off the beam"feeling bad about feeling good"
Poetry by Michael F. Nyiri
February 4, 1979 6:10 p.m.Phase I
At once we look back and there's always bad times, good times
Important, unimportant times
Times lasted interminably, times shot through the quick
Times - and time harbors harsh memoriesPhase II
To forget the pain - that's the object of desire
To forget she who embodied object of desire
To realize existence and come out of the shell
To exercise freedom of the willPhase III
As I hop in my car and travel away
Can't help recalling the miles till yesterday
The odometer clocks numbers
which tell of no consequence
Save how much time away from romance
I remainPhase IV
Can I feel good and remember a smile
Or a friendly gesture of good will
Can my powers stave the guilt
As I drive to the oblivion of forgetfulnessPhase V
I'm in reality, old heartaches under the rug
Into the vacuum cleaner, nonexistent
A new record brings enjoyment
A new record for peaceful reverie
And a small phrase or a note in dischord
Strikes the tune in me
Which shall play forever
Again I think of her
And because I can't feel her presence
I feel bad because feeling good
Isn't all there is.
BEHIND THE POETRY: The "Poem for the New Year 1979", while not one of my better pieces, contains two lines I really like: "good times reside only in tired hallucinations" and "Dreams sleep silent like an unsent letter". It also is the first instance where I use the phrase "mental masturbation" which shows up a lot in other poems and in essays I've written. 'Leave the Dreams by the Wayside (Again)" and "Go Away Little Girl" are unlisted "Cathy Poems." These were not part of the little book I gave her at the end of 78. In "Wayside" I mention "buying record albums again" attempting to forget my desire for this unattainable gal by immersing myself in music. In "Empty Hours", I touch my always present theme of waiting for what happens next, never satisfied with the repetition of nothingness that seemed to make up my post Cathy days.AN OBSERVATION ABOUT "STARS": I just wanted to mention this in passing. You might have read my pleas for "stars" on messages, and in posts esp. for the videos, or maybe I've mentioned adding "5stars" when visiting your blogs. I've learned recently that any less stars than 5 stars given to an entry doesn't help the entry. Usually I have three or four readers who immediately give me 5stars on my entries, and this is enough to put my entry on the front pages of Xanga, and this does drive more traffic to my site. (Thank you Thank you) On my last three entries, I was on the front page (http://weblog.xanga.com/) for a while, but then somebody gives me less than 5 stars, and it throws me back to page 8 or 9. I don't want to sound like I'm griping. (even as I am) If someone only feels that my entry is worth less than 5 stars, then they have the right to add whatever number they wish. I'd rather you don't star at all if you don't add 5stars however. I make it a point, when visiting and commenting on your sites, to give you a 5 star rating if I like the entry, usually before I comment. Xanga lists the entries by the amount of stars, so if an entry has two votes for 5 stars, it will trump an entry with 8 votes and only 4.9 stars or less. The five entries that are "lucky" enough to get on the VERY front page of Xanga (www.xanga.com) are put there by the amount of 5star votes they get from the "Star Academy" which anyone can participate in by going to http://star.xanga.com/
. More of "the guy who asks questions" fans and friends are 5 starrring his entries, and they are now all over the front pages. So if you give me STARS, then I implore you to give me 5 stars, or don't give me any at all. I hope this "observation" doesn't sound disingenuous. I'm always looking for my "15 minutes of fame" I've noticed if someone gives 5stars to one of my videos or photos, it goes back up on the front pages of the video or photo section, so check out my photoblog and videoblog sections from time to time, if you have the time. Thanks for all the comments I've been getting! I notice I write more entries when I'm getting more comments from my readers. MFN, ppf.
Comments (15)
it is those missed ones that seem to haunt the most.
"feeling bad about feeling good" reminds me of that book "been down so long it looks like up to me".
:coolman:
I love when you post my poetry
I have been digesting them one at a time
since you posted and I must say that your
last one.."feeling bad about feeling good"
is my favorite of all. I think because I write my share
of emotional drama that "Go Away, Little Girl" reminded me of myself
but in a good way
"Empty Hours" wow Mike...this one left a knot in my throat here; and your
second one "leave the dreams" mirrored so much of my world except for the fact
that I am a girl.
Thank you for sharing Mike...you know I love your poetry.
not sure what I was writing...but I love when you post YOUR
poetry....need to go to bed here
Great poetry Mike. Black cats that look alike mostly are Bombay. Judi
Good poetry. I am publishing through lulu.com--they are great! Thanks for the accolades.
It is interesting that you have archived your writing.Its a good thingI wish i had. Writing is a good way to sort things out ..and i can see the process in your poetry.
Actually Michael someone - not sure who - is purposly leaveing less than five stars to keep posts from being on front page - they are on FG too and it makes me sad
I love this post! 1979 was the year I graduated high school and the year we got married - a very good year
Michael, :wave:
In 1979, I was 10 years old. Never the less, in your poetry, I can feel what you feel because I've been there. Thanks for sharing!
And "Go Away, Little Girl"... wow! My heart stings with its own past hurts as I read those words. And my heart sings with the knowledge that this is Now and my heart is new.
Have a great day!
Steve :sunny:
Mike,
thank you so much for stopping by, your words are much appreciated... I try to give thoughtful answers, because I believe people deserve that... and I just love Bear to pieces anyway...
Since I am packing to leave shortly, I don't really have time to read your poems just now, but I promise, I will be back!
Enjoy your Saturday and turn in those 'terrorists'!! LOL
Sadly most of my poetry was written and lost forever. There is something good in ratpacking things away, it helps preserve the emotions and words of the past that could remain for the present and future audience.
Sometimes I go thru google and try to find some of the people I have met in the past. One person Betsy is a reporter who occasionally I will read her submitted stories to her news agency. Otherwise unless you know the blog in which they are writing into, many of the people in the past are gone, forgotten or out or range in which to renew the connections.
Do I like poetry with commentaries? Yes they are way better at times in context.
RYC on Johanssen the spy: unless you are a spy buff( reader's digest got me into it) most spy stories are consumable fluff or for Walter Mitty like folks(like me) who just eat that stuff up occassionally.
Ever eat at Cantors? Well I did a visit there on my blog....
1979 was a very good year for you poetry-wise. I'm calculating that you were about 26. (I was 27) that was the year my first wife and I began having problems. If you had gotten married you might not have written a lot of your stuff and, basically, wouldn't be the person you are today. Not saying I'm glad you didn't get married, but I am appreciative of who you are now. Who can really say though? You might have become even more prolific :rolleyes:
What about people like who end up reading the blog days or weeks later? Is there any point for me to vote?
It's an amazing piece of writing in favor of all the web viewers;
they will take benefit from it I am sure.
I used to be able to find good advice from your blog articles.