June 28, 2006

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  “Janus”
  Poetry by Michael F. Nyiri
  © 1971 (18 years old)

  
  

  Here’s a boy here, he’s a great specimen
  Of what I mean by saying
  That everyone has two sides.
  By the way, this boy is called me.
  He’s a happy sort of fellow,
  I guess you could say that.
  He wouldn’t deny it.
  He’s also a bit melancholy at times.
  I wonder why.
  You could delve deep into his personality
  And you’d probably find the name
  Of that girl he’s found
  But then somehow lost.
  Well, I guess you can see that
  He tries sometimes unsuccessfully
  To cover up his inner self.
  So he has his outer self.

  
  

  This is the happy, sometimes carefree outlook.
  Then you get to wondering
  What it is he’s happy about.
  Unlike most others, he’s never mentioned a girlfriend.
  And when you read his poetry,
  You find a lot of sad verses.
  You can ask him what his inner self holds,
  But it’s almost a sure thing
  That he’ll make some joke,
  And embark on some other subject.
  And you’ll remember him not by
  What he was
  But by what he only seemed to be.

  
  

   

  
  

  “Nothing Here But a Slight Desire for the Guy”
  Poetry by Michael F. Nyiri
  © 1971 (18 years old)

  
  

  Little lost soul searching for some love
  Craved it once but couldn’t hold the rain
  Making up her world
  In which to live her life
  But brings about just more and more pain

  
  

  And she feels sorry for herself
  And she climbs in her corner
  And no one will come in to comfort her
  So she cries some more

  
  

  Loving someone nonexistant, Mr. Right is dead
  Tried to take him from his own dark place
  But she doesn’t care
  What he feels about someone else
  She can’t have him, so a mad adorns her face

  
  

  She’d be hurt
  And has been hurt
  And feels depressed
  And angry that she can’t
  Get the one she wants

  
  

  So she tries somebody else

  
  

   

  
  

  “Looking Back on 71″
  Poetry by Michael F. Nyiri
  © March 6, 1975

  
  

  
  Graduation caps were important once
  And all that went with it
  Served to imprison us in our vanities.

  
  

  Then experience rolled into our lives
  And we tried like hell to cling
  To past remembrances

  
  

  But soon
  We found ourselves remembering
  Blank faces

  
  

  We forsook calm placitude
  for bitter struggles
  And losses dear

  
  

  Fortitude and Expectation
  Are waiting in the wings
  And have been ever ready to come out

  
  

  I lost the game in ’71
  And have been losing
  Ever since.

  
  

  But then so have we all
  And we were too blind once
  To know the difference

  
  

   

  
  

  “Gears”
  Poetry by Michael F. Nyiri
  © September 12, 1975

  
  

  
  You will always be you
  And you will face life in your own way
  You will fall in love
  And you will die

  
  

  And so will I.

  
  

  But how we come to meet
  Will be but like gears turning
  And they may stop a while.
  And let me know you in a minute

  
  

  People are people in all walks of life
  You pass them on the street
  You ask them for directions to
  the post office.

  
  

  You forget their faces
  And they cease to exist
  for you –

  
  

  But when two people are thrown
  together
  By fate
  Or a stalled elevator
  Or because one read something
  Another one wrote
  Then we should treasure
  Each minute together

  
  

  Because we only have time to
  Mett the rest of the world
  And not to find out what
  makes them people too.

  
  

   

  
  

  “Living in the Pasts”
  Poetry by Michael F. Nyiri
  © January 17, 1976

  
  

  I’m sitting here reliving pasts
  When I should be talking to you
  Though I often say my life is complete
  You’ll never understand me, I fear
  I don’t know how to begin
  Talking about empty thoughts
  There’s a feeling in the pit of my stomach
  And I can’t channel my thought waves
  Anymore.

  
  

  Thre are tears running down my face
  And I realize I know what is wrong
  I cannot face up to that realization
  And so I’ll never make sense to you
  I’m an empty vase with a jagged crack
  And when you fill me with your warmth
  It leaks out as surely as when it’s
  Poured in.

  
  

  Believe me when I say I’m trying
  And love is a very strong emotion
  I’m trying so hard to love you
  And in doing so I’m only
  Ruining my present sensitivity.

  
  

  I’ve tried for too many years, it seems
  To be the electric poet
  In Everybody’s lives.
  And whitewashed lives they were
  As they consumed my 36-line
  Paeans to human confusion
  And told me I was the answer
  To all the world’s problems.

  
  

  I’ve told you much, I’m afraid,
  And if I digress in my speeches
  which I want to clearly define
  Then it’s only because
  The situation is racking me senseless

  
  

  Where but in poems
  Are poem-people’s lives perfect?
  And where but in poems
  Do we write what we feel?

  
  

  In my Journal of Life
  There are unfinished chapters
  And this is the one I have
  Attempted to peruse graciously.

  
  

  My poems have asked life for answers
  And I’ve never found them.
  At best I’m an explosive
  Filled with fragmentary emotions

  
  

  I think you have pulled my fuse out

  
  

  And I need something to put it back in.

  
  

  (I don’t know what I’m talking about)

  
  

  
  

  ---

  
  Behind The Poetry: These poems have just been transcribed to the internet for the first time. I have never presented them before. The first two were written when I was a senior in high school. “Nothing Here But a Slight Desire for the Guy” is about a girl in my drama class. “Looking Back on 71″ was written the year after my father died, while my mother was still in the nursing home as a result of her stroke. I should have been graduated from college by then, but I dropped out the year previous. “Gears” was written for Ruth at the beginning of our relationship, and “Living in the Pasts” was written to her at the end of our relationship. I have written about Ruth in Chapter 6 of “My Sexual History”. The photo of me in my graduation gown on the right above was taken in June of 1971 and the one on the left was taken in 1972 on a trip to Tijuana. Also my latest profile pic is from 1977, and was snapped after I returned from a trip cross country to New Jersey. MFN

  • 8:34 am
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