December 22, 2004

• Friendship: An Essay

  An Informal Essay on the subject of Friendship.
  

  by Michael F. Nyiri 

  (A repost from August 4, 2004)

  
  ¶ Like most people, I value friendship. I started thinking a bit about the subject of friendship last night after viewing the DVD of the film "The Station Agent", one of those "offbeat" little low budget slice of life comedies that features "quirky" but lovable characters who are all somewhat "lacking" in friends at the start, but who bond together, through the course of the film. It's a really fine film (7 of 10 on the Mikometer).
  

  ¶ The course of my thoughts brought me to wondering about friendship. What it means to me, and about what happens when groups of people in society are thrown together for somewhat long periods of time, and then part never to see each other again. Sort of like a Jury on a Trial in Court. The people who are gathered with me at the end of the second week of the trial, are slowly becoming a group of aquaintences, if not friends. Some friendships are forming. Two women carpool into Court from Long Beach. A couple of the younger guys keep together. I'm one of those A plus personalities who likes to talk (and like to have an audience for my "tales") so I've conversed with just about everybody, and have formed a trio with two other "older guys". There is a rather interesting 83 year old (I really like talking to my parents' generation nowadays, since my parents passed away when I was young) who regales me with stories of his WWII experiences, his years as a furniture store owner, and talks of his yacht and the restaurant he owned for many years in Dana Point. When one is 83 one has lots of stories. After the trial is over, I wonder how many of these folks will "keep in touch".
  

  ¶ My mind wandered back to the last trial in which I participated, in 2001. The Judge kept throwing stern looks my way because I got very friendly with the gal who sat next to me. "Jurors One and Two" were the talk of the Court. We took lunch together, and vowed to get in touch after the trial. I even thought we might even become a couple at one or two points, but then for some reason, I never called her, she didn't call me, and come to think of it, I passed around the URL to AllThingsMike to all my fellow Jurors in that trial, and no one got in touch that way either. Since we were a hung jury, one of the jurors did find out from the court that the accused in the rape trial did not have to go though the whole thing over again after the mistrial was declared. The accuser did not press charges again, and the case was thrown out of court. The juror called me on the phone to give me the news.
  I have had a couple of "Best Friends" die over the years, and I made lots and lots of friends when I worked in retail, but when one moves around a lot, if one doesn't "keep in touch", one "loses" people, and people lose one another a lot.
  

  ¶ Now that I'm a "tweenior" (that strange and awkward age between "middle age" and "senior") I don't have the wide circle of friends I once did. But there are a few guys I can count on to bail me out of jail if need be. (Years ago, poor Tom, bless his soul, bailed me out of L.A. County Jail moments before they were about to "disinfect me" in the "checking in process.") I read recently that you know your friend would bail you out of jail, but your best friend would be in the cell next to you. I never got thrown in jail with anybody, but then I didn't get thrown in jail too many times, and it was always alcohol or drug related, not because of a "crime".
  I never married, so can't call a wife "my best friend". Never could. I have many female friends, but not close. I am probably "closer" to some of the female friends I have made though the internet (unseen friends) than those I know personally, however. I did make some reconnections with old friends on the internet, but after a few cursory emails, the "internet friendships" with older friends sort of withered away. Sometimes the only things that make us friends are the experiences we share together. Sometime later we might not have too much to say.
  

  ¶ I sometimes wish I had more real friends, even now in my older age, because when I was young I used to hang out with more than one "crowd". I would collect "cliques" of friends from different interests. One group would be ex schoolmates. (Crazy Cruising Times and frat like parties) One would be church buddies. (Wednesday night volleyball and Bible study) One would be work mates. (Too many drugs were taken causing me to be fired along with a lot of my buds from one place of employment.)
  When I moved to the South Bay, I made friends through friends at work, and by "hanging out" down at the Strand, on Hermosa Beach. In the 70s, in the South Bay, it seems everybody knew everybody else through someone. There were lots of parties, much socializing, and everybody seemed to buy their drugs from the same people.
  Nobody was afraid of anything either, and I had groups of friends in four areas of the greater Los Angeles area.
  

  ¶ As I say, I moved around a lot. I had a string of girlfriends throughout my life. (I call them "three month wonders" because I rarely had a relationship that lasted more than three months.) While in one of the many apartments in which I lived in the 70s and 80s, I had three girlfriends at one time living in the same building. I never had to leave!
  My longest relationship was with Pat in the early 90s. I met her at work, after I had changed careers, and moved from retail management to electrical engineering. Pat and I lived together for three years, and I met more friends through her family. Since my family broke up (sis and bro both live far from me in proximity) after our parents' death, I have always collected "surrogate families". My buddy Tom's parents, Steve and the other Steve's parents, and when I was with Pat, her parents would become "second families".
  Right before living with Pat, I lived in "The Frat House" with my (now deceased) friend Bob and a series of room-mates. Each of us had our own "suite of rooms", so I lived within the house in my own "apartment", much like I do now in my arrangement with Cancerboy, another good friend.
  

  ¶ Friends are very important in life. Sometimes I wish I had more of them, as stated previously. I have made lots of "internet friends" and in my "lovesearch period", I flew around the country meeting people whom I wrote to on the internet. My relationship with Regina stemmed from the lovesearch. She was my last girlfriend, in 2000.
  Watching the movie, thinking about the Jury, and reflecting upon a half century of friends and acquaintences of all ages, makes me feel somewhat lonely these days. I know, however, that even sitting here at the puter, writing one of my many "essays" or "journal entries" or tweaking photos I take in the picture publisher, if I wanted to have a "conversation" all I need to do is turn on the little Instant Messenger program, and I bet two or three people would "call me" right away. (Frankly, one of the reasons I don't turn it on all the time is because I'll spend hours "talking" and stop "doing")
  Internet friendships come and go just like in life, however. I have "lost" some real neat people over the years. Just all of a sudden (when they can't afford their internet connection, for example) they "disappear."
  

  ¶ I've made it a point, with my website, and the fact I always use my real name when corresponding on the internet, to be "available" to anyone whom I have known who might want to contact me.
  I am surprised sometimes by the people who get back in touch.
  

  ¶ Someday I will meet my "true friend", my "true lover', the "other half to my whole." I know this as surely as I know I will be here waiting, looking everywhere I go, and I'll still keep saying hi to folks, and making new friends.
  

  ¶ As I age, the amount of friends is not a large as it once was, that's for sure. Sometimes I think, as I "people watch" that I am probably more lonely than I care to admit, but then I look back on the friends I have had throughtout the years, and I feel blessed. Everytime I think of how things might not be that great for me personally, at any given time, I think of those less fortunate, and I feel as if the Godhead smiles on me, and that I am not so special that I should have been as blessed.
  I thank God for this privilege.
  

  ¶ And to the folks I meet on the internet, old, new, friends, and acquaintences, I feel blessed to be able to converse, to share, to love this world with the people in it. There are so many people who are so special, with stories to tell, philosophies to discuss, and wisdom to impart. WE ARE HUMANITY. I think of us all as friends, and the ease with which disparate people can come together, at Court for Jury duty ,  for example, whether or not they keep in touch after the trial, they are friends for the time they are together, and this is one of the wonders and beauties of Humanity.
  Now if only the rest of us would stop fighting for disparate ideologies and realize we have much more in common than those glaring ideological and theological differences, then maybe we can talk, as friends, to each other, and develop a Universal Understanding amongst Mankind.
  

  ¶ I sometimes don't think it will happen, like I sometimes don't think I'll ever fall in love again, but I have HOPE, and I have FAITH, and I survive.
  Thanks to my friends.

  (NOTE: Originally written and posted on this blog August 4, 2004. Other "Best of WhenWordsCollide" posts are listed to the left in the "AllThingsMike Universe" column under the "Xanga: Interesting Posts From the Past on WhenWordsCollide" banner. MFN) 

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